School Shopping

I took Katie school shopping tonight. What a madhouse! So many parents and kids crowded into the aisles at Wal-Mart, lists in hand and focused on all the Goodies. (I call them Goodies because I have an affinity for school and office supplies. Seriously. I *love* to shop for new pens and paper and notebooks and all those Goodies.) I would have just done it by myself at 10pm one night to avoid the rush, but I know it's a necessary tradition. Besides, I wanted her to pick out her own colors and designs, and involve her in the excitement.

Nine days until school starts for Katie - technically only eight since today is almost over. Have I mentioned how emotional I'm becoming? I am so sad about it! It's almost like I need to do some grieving for the little baby who's gone, and then I'll be ready to welcome (with joy!) the amazing little girl who's taken her place.

I think I've been in denial for a few weeks. I kept saying things to myself like, "Oh, what's the rush? I have weeks until I have to worry about school supplies and getting into the routine and waking Katie early." Then this week, I realized that I don't have weeks left - only one week. And because of that finish line (or starting line - whichever way you want to look at it) looming next week, I can tell that I'm a little more on edge and much more emotional lately. I'm short-tempered then ready to cry then exhausted then frantic at all I need to get done around the house (housework in general, and school prep in specific).

I think it's a control thing. I have big fears about not being in control of Katie's life anymore: not controlling her friends and the things other kids will be teaching her and the things she'll be learning and eating and doing. Sounds silly, I know. But it's times like these that I am reminded what a complete control freak I am.

In my calmer moments of parenting the last five years, I have always told myself that my goal is to work myself out of a job. It is my job as a parent to raise my kids to not need me one day. (But I hope they still want me!) So why would I be dreading the start of Kindergarten? Maybe I should look at this milestone with pride that Katie is ready to spread her wings. I know, without a doubt, that she will be utterly amazing and she will fly so high.

Yes, I am excited to see her fly. I know she's not leaving the nest for good, but I also know that her first day of school will one day end with her last, albeit 13 years down the road. And it's the knowing what's at the end that is making the beginning so bittersweet.

Oh, this is going to be an emotional next eight days!