New Normal

Katie's second day at school went well on Friday. I think I had a harder time, though. It was the first "official" day back into the old routine, and I missed having her around.

When I first got Katie onto the bus, I had an epiphany. I realized I had a little extra freedom to do what I wanted. I had already fed Jackson breakfast at the bus stop, and I had already showered. I decided to get some exercise in the cool morning hours (which are still pretty hot around here), and took Jackson on a walk. The alternative was to head inside and spend an hour trying to entertain Jackson. Since he seems to calm down more when we're taking walks, I opted for the walk. It gave me time to think (amazing!), plan and even pray. I was totally pumped!

I made all kinds of mental plans during the walk. One of them is I'm going to start exercising in the mornings, either with an outdoor walk when the weather is nice or with a trip on my elliptical machine in the basement when the weather is not nice. I think it's time to start TCE: Taking Care of Elizabeth.

After our walk, it was time to load Jackson up and head out to the park to meet my mom's club. And that's when the sadness hit. Katie was missing in the car. Jackson noticed it and fussed for most of the drive. His entertainment was missing. I noticed it too because I had no backup singer when I belted out some tunes, and no one to play Beetle Bop with me. (Our version of Slug Bug - you know, when you see a VW Beetle and call it before anyone else in the car.) There was no one to request Christmas music in July. And when we got to the park, I heard other kids' voices and kept mistaking them for Katie. There was no excited, "Mommy, watch this!" being called to me over and over and over. Yes, that was somewhat of a relief, but also a complete letdown. I missed my girl!

It hit me that we're going to have to adjust to a new normal. And when Katie arrived home on Friday, I realized that my parenting style is going to have to change a bit. No longer can I parent what I see (since I've been with her pretty much 24/7), but now I'm going to have to parent by proxy in some cases. I'll have to "guesstimate" by listening to what she tells me. For example, she told me about a boy pushing and kicking her on the playground. I wasn't there and don't know exactly what happened. I only know the Katie version of things. So I can't tell her that she was overreacting or maybe she was doing something to stir the pot. All I can do is ask her to tell me the truth, and talk her through handling it for the next time. This is when I will have to rely on what Dan and I have taught her the last five years, and hope that some of it stuck.

Our new normal will be a change for Jackson too. I'm hoping he will enjoy having one-on-one time with me, and he won't miss Katie for too long. He's already a bit of a Mama's Boy, so I'm also hoping that more one-on-one time with me won't make him even more clingy!

I've heard it said that you can't grow if you don't change. Our babies are growing up, and changing every moment now. I hope we can hang on and enjoy the ride!