Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Happy 11th Birthday, Jackson! (Plus 3 Weeks)

Jackson,

This past year, I've learned more about you that solidified what I already suspected: you are silly, wild, noisy, wordy, loving, funny, friendly, and an enthusiastic friend.

I'm the kind of person who gets jazzed by hanging out with people. I love to talk, hear stories, and experience life with others. In the past, I've been told that my energy can be a little overwhelming. Allegedly, the Elizabeth Type of Love is exuberant and somewhat exhausting.

Before you entered my life, comments about my "exuberance" never quite sunk in; I sort of suspected what people meant, but couldn't understand that vibrant love could possibly be exhausting. In my thinking, I figured if regular love was good, exorbitant over-the-top LOVE would be even better. Right?

And then, I had a ten-year-old Jackson. (To be fair, it didn't start in only your tenth year of life.) A ten-year-old Jackson whose life motto could be summed up: "Go big or go home."

Like the Elizabeth Type of Love, the Jackson Type of Love is intense and emotional, full of magical highs and crashing lows. You are fiercely independent while sweetly dependent; you're self reliant, and yet so needy. How can the two coexist? Somehow those two personas live within you.

You have an incredible ability to remember details most people forget, and a dogged determination to follow whatever the moment's focus might be at any given time. Once your brain latches on to something or someone, it takes a different Something or Someone to get you to change course. I love this about you, because having a wishy-washy son would probably madden me to no end. Your passion is tangible and your enthusiasm is contagious. (Unless, of course, it's an "enthusiastic" tantrum. Those are no fun.)

Sometimes, my exuberance and your passion don't quite complement each other. When I've been scorched by your intensity and sigh in exasperation to Daddy, he looks at me with one eyebrow raised as if to say, "Really? You think HE'S intense? You should try being married to you!" Of course, he means it lovingly and also as a reminder to me that you and I are made of the same kind of stuff:

Big highs and deep lows
Joy
Emotions in motion
Loyal friendship
Dreams and ideas
Laughter
Delight
Action
LIFE and LOVE
Remember in the movie Inside Out when Joy thinks Sadness is a downer, only to realize Sadness is what gives Joy its meaning? Life can be similar to that for people like you and me: we can love deeply because we can feel deeply (which means we can lose deeply too). Feeling deeply means we are equipped to help others with their feelings, instead of just exploding our feelings on to them. Feeling deeply compels and enables you to stand with people not just when they are happy, but when they are sad too.

In this coming 11th year of your life, one of my goals as your mama is to help you develop a different side of love: compassion. You're so good at feeling your feelings, and now I'd love to see you harness the joy of feeling other people's feelings, too.

I firmly believe you are an unstoppable force in this world, Jackson. Daddy and I have a calling to help harness the "force" that is Jackson and point it in a Godly direction. I'm praying God will show us the way this year, knowing there are big transitions coming our way. (Middle school especially - eeeeek!)

I'm so happy to have a seat of honor in the life God is growing in you.

I love you,
Mommy

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