Temporary

I've had better weekends. This one wasn't as bad as last weekend, but wasn't my best either. Katie was feeling much better by Saturday morning, so that was good. Dan spent LOTS of time trying to fix our beer fridge, but it was all a lost cause. That was a bummer (the wasted time and the dead fridge.) But I think what made it a "bad" weekend in my mind was Jackson being his usual clingy self. Does anyone else get frustrated when their one-year-old won't let go?! Or is it just me, The Bad Mommy?

Yes, I have a need to feel needed. I recognize that. But I just wish I could put a limit on it, because I'm feeling way more than needed; I'm feeling downright CONSUMED. Like I can't breathe. Like I can't see straight. Exhausted. And I fight it, and fight Jackson's clinginess. I wonder if maybe that makes him want to cling even more. Dan says Katie was this bad too, but the difference is I was still working part-time and had an outlet back then.

So... this morning as I was trying to clean the waffle iron (while holding Jackson's 25 pounds on my hip, as usual), I remembered the advice my sister gave me when the postpartum depression set in after Katie was born. Katie was about 10 days old, and Mary told me, "You'll never have a 10-day-old Katie again." I think she was trying to get me to treasure the moments, but the truth is it gave me hope. The good news was that I'll never have a 10-day-old Katie again! That was one of the few thoughts that kept me going in the "early days." I thought of that advice again this morning, reminding myself that I'll never have a clingy 16-month-old Jackson again. It's all fleeting when you look back on it... although it isn't fleeting when you're in the middle of it. (It truly feels eternal.)

Then the pastor said something at church today that resonated with me. She was talking about how people question where God is in the midst of pain, suffering, illness, poverty, hunger, and war. She talked about the freedom God gave us to choose Him, and how that freedom allows evil (and evil choices) in the world. She said God's answer to that evil is that it's all just temporary, because of the ultimate answer of redemption that He offers us in Christ. She said that to the person who is hungry, God's answer is, "Temporary." To the person in pain, temporary. To the person who feels alone or who is grieving or who is tortured or who is lost, the answer is temporary. I felt like she should add one for me: to the mommy who feels that today will never end, God is telling you it's temporary.

I think I'm going to frame that word and place it on my wall somewhere I can see it often. May it remind me to savor the temporary, and praise God that it IS all just temporary.