Answered Prayer

Last night as I was falling asleep, I was steeling myself for today. I knew the anniversary of my brother's death might be difficult, and I prayed that God would find some way to talk to me today. I just wanted some small token reminder that He is there and I'm not alone.

I got more than just a small token.

We've been visiting a new church, and I can almost swear to you that the entire service was planned just for me. First of all, the sermon series is about Nehemiah. Seriously?! Who even reads that part of the Bible? Well, let me just say: the sermons have been engaging, dynamic and inspiring. I knew from last week that today's sermon was going to mention gossip, so I didn't expect it to apply much to my situation (the anniversary). But, oh man.

From the very first chord of the first song, I felt like God was talking to me. The song was "Everything Glorious" by The David Crowder Band. It's one of a few songs that has been on heavy rotation in my iPod these days. The lyrics say, "You [God] make everything glorious. So what does that make me?" It inspires me to feel glorious, no matter how achy or crappy I might feel on any given day. So that first song was uplifting, and I was happy that one of my favorite songs was being played.

But it didn't stop there. Oh no. The next song was "Everlasting God" by Brenton Brown. Y'all. God is good. He answered my prayer. Let me explain.

When my brother was first diagnosed with cancer, I visited him in North Carolina. Mom was visiting him too. One night he was in bed feeling like Hell from the chemo, and Mom went in to read the Bible to him. She asked me to come in too, and I laid on the bed while she read. Then she passed the Bible to me, and told me to read the passage they had been reading every night. It was Isaiah 40:28-31, "Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

This verse was read at church today, during the song "Everlasting God." The song is mostly that verse set to music. The lyrics say, "You are the everlasting God. You do not faint. You won't grow weary. You're the defender of the weak. You comfort those in need. You lift us up on wings like eagles." I felt like God (and my brother) was speaking directly to me through that song. And, yes, it was already another one of those five songs on heavy rotation in my iPod. (Maybe the band has been spying on me lately?)

Then the third song sealed the deal for me. It was "Never Let Go" by Matt Redman. The lyrics say, "You never let go, through the calm and through the storm. Oh, no, you never let go in every high and every low. Oh, no, you never let go. Lord, you never let go of me." God hasn't forgotten me. Not today, not ever. He's holding me, carrying me. Through the past month of my diagnosis, through the past six months of feeling crappy, through the hard times of raising children and dealing with the ups and downs of life. And today, a day of sorrow.

Then the sermon touched on gossip, but that was barely a mention. It was so much more than that. The pastor talked about grief and completing a task from God, despite pain and turmoil. Then he quoted Nehemiah 8:10: "This day is sacred to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." Did you hear that? Read it again. I'll wait.

This day, October 26, hasn't been a day of much joy for me since 1996. But today, I was reminded that it is still sacred to God, as much as it's been sacred to me (and maybe even more so). It's hallowed and holy because it's the day my brother went home. Home. That is a joy, isn't it? Remember the end of the movie The Color Purple, when Celie runs to her sister through the golden field? Remember the joy of their reunion? I imagine God welcomed Jackson home with open arms, with a smile of joy. "The joy of the Lord is your strength." Right?

If you know me in daily life (not just from my blog), you know I'm not one to go about preaching the Gospel on a regular basis. But when a day like today happens, and God speaks to me in a concrete and tangible way, I'd be remiss not to tell the world about it. To quote from the movie again, "I think it pisses God off when you walk by the color purple in a field and don't notice it." I think God wants me to notice the purple, and wants me to tell you about it.

An answered prayer. It's as simple as that.

P.S. All three of those songs I mentioned are in the playlist on the sidebar of my blog. Go listen to them and be inspired!