Jackson's First Theater Experience

I took Jackson to the movies for the first time today. I was a bit nervous, since he can barely sit still for a 30 minute episode of "Word World" at home. But since it was a free movie at the local theater (Does anyone else's town have free summer movies? It's so cool!), I decided to try it because I could always abort the mission and not lose money in doing so.

We saw "Space Chimps." When the lights dimmed, Jackson turned to my friend Beth and said, "Miss Beth, turn the lights on!" And after a little while, he saw a woman walking up the steps to her seat and shouted out, "My seat!" The selfish little guy was making sure she didn't take it. Throughout the movie, he kept pointing to his seat and Beth's seat, saying, "My seat. Your seat." He got a little restless near the end of the movie, but thankfully it was just over and hour long and he lasted through the entire thing.

I remember doing this same thing with Katie when she was around two. Her first movie was "Clifford's Big Movie." She surprised me, just as Jackson did today. Sometimes I underestimate my kids.

Work-Your-Camera, Days 2 and 3

I'm frustrated. Again. Because somehow, in some way, I lucked out and got some decent photos to show depth of field for Michelle's Work Your Camera contest. I'm having better luck than I did with the photos I took on Sunday, but now I can't figure out exactly HOW I got these new photos to turn out. I feel like a moron for not understanding the whole aperture and shutter speed thing better. I mean, I'm college educated. I have pretty good common sense (at least mostly). But throw in an f-stop and my brain turns blank. Ugh.

Anyway, here are some photos I took yesterday and today. The mailbox one had to be Photoshopped to erase our house number in the white paint on the pavement, but everything else in these photos is untouched.

Fireworks, Take 2

After Saturday's soggy debacle, we shot the last of our fireworks off on Sunday night. There weren't as many big fireworks, but there were enough to keep the kids happy. And enough to let me experiment with Penny again!

Polish Your Clothes

Guess what I left in the pocket of my shorts? A bottle of glittery red nail polish. And guess what covered the inside of the clothes dryer? Oh, yes. It did.

And the clothes that were in the dryer too.

I'm such an idiot.

Soggy Independence Day

Oh, it was a wet day! But we rolled with it, and tried to make it memorable. I think we succeeded!

The morning neighborhood parade was postponed until 6pm. We hung out at home and our friends Dena and Natalie joined us. The girls holed up in the basement and played while Dan grilled chicken quesadillas and Dena and I talked while she did her nails. When parade time rolled around, the rain had stopped so we decorated ourselves.

Then we decorated bikes and wagons and gathered the neighbors to parade.

We were about 10 minutes into the parade when the BOTTOM. DROPPED. OUT. We were drenched!

We scattered like roaches in daylight and headed back to our garages. When the rain turned into a light drizzle, we let the kids play in the puddles and run around with umbrellas while the adults changed clothes.

The rain passed, and we hung out until it was time for fireworks in our clubhouse parking lot. That was kind of fun, until the rain halted the fun and we finally gave up and headed home.

Like I said, at least it was memorable!

Playing Tourists in Our City

Since Dan had the day off from work, we escaped the daily grind on Friday. We took the kids to the grandparents in the morning, and spent the day together. Dan said the goal of the day was to do whatever I wanted, which felt so luxurious to me!

We started our adventure with lunch at one of my favorite places: Buffalo Wild Wings. I love me some wings! We sat in a booth, and Dan did one of the simplest things - but it had lots of impact. He sat on my side of the booth, so we were side-by-side. Sounds a little silly, but it was so nice to sit together and snuggle. And sooooo nice to have an entire, uninterrupted conversation. That hasn't happened since Jamaica!

After lunch, we went to the Cathedral Basilica. I have never been inside this church, and it was gorgeous. The mosaics are stunning. We wandered and I was overjoyed to just play with Penny (our camera) and stretch myself on the manual settings. I think Dan was ready to leave before I was, so he just sat down in a pew and let me sate my photographer's eye. I got some good photos, and some that were downright awful. Here are some of the better ones:

We were at the basilica for an hour and a half, then headed towards Forest Park so I could take some more photos. We stood at the top of Art Hill and took photos in front of the grand basin:

And a photo of Saint Louis:

Then went inside the (free) art museum. I have to admit that art museums aren't really my thing. There are too many off-the-wall kinds of displays, like one that was called "Octagon" and was made from Rit dye and canvas. (Seriously? This is art?!)

But then there are others that stun me with their beauty, like Danae by Artemesia Gentileschi. She painted this at age NINETEEN. Wow.

We decided to head to University City for drinks.

We sat outside Blueberry Hill and watched all the crazy people walk by. This might be THE best place in St. Louis to people watch. Seriously. God makes all kinds! After a few drinks, we went inside to use the photo booth. I love those things! And Dan humored me, again, by playing along.

Around this time, we got hungry and headed to Clayton for dinner at Remy's Kitchen and Wine Bar. I used to eat here all the time when I worked full time, but have only been back once for a Moms' Night Out event. Dan had never eaten at Remy's, so I was glad to show him a new place. He sat in the same side of the booth with me again. (How sweet.) After Remy's, we had dessert at Roxane. I had the chocolate fondue and Dan had a gooey butter cake brownie. It was divine!

On the way home, we decided to stop and rent a movie. We stayed up late to watch Revolutionary Road with Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet. It was very dramatic and generated lots of conversation between us, but it had great acting.

The icing on the cake was getting to sleep in Saturday morning, then Dan ran out to buy breakfast and bring it home to me. What a nice mini vacation. I thoroughly enjoyed being a tourist in our town, and hope we get to do it again soon! (Hint, hint, Sugar!)

Work-Your-Camera Contest

My new bloggy friend Michelle is hosting a contest that I want to win! Regardless of the fact that it is FRUSTRATING to me. She is encouraging everyone to try new things with their cameras. Yesterday, I was inspired and took Penny (my camera) outside to try and play with the depth of field.

I quickly got annoyed. I printed Michelle's blog post to guide me "out in the field," but was still annoyed at how I couldn't get Penny to do what I know she can do... but I know I'm just not experienced enough to make it work. It's a frustrating feeling.

But I kept trying and plugging away. I got some of the following photos. Remember, I'm trying to make the depth of field very shallow, meaning things in the background should be fuzzy. I probably took a good 30 photos of the same freaking rain drop on a bush, and got this one:

I also tried to be creative with fireworks:

And then I moved on to sidewalk chalk.

When those didn't get me as hopeful as I wanted, I defaulted to Katie's eyelashes (which is cheating because Michelle used eyelashes as an example in her post):

Grrr. I'm still annoyed because the photos aren't quite what I had in mind. Back to the drawing board.

How you doin'?!

I just had to use that phrase because it's one we've taught to Jackson. Today in the car, he said his usual, "Mommy, what are you doing?" and then backtracked and said, "Mommy, how you doin'?" in the Joey-from-Friends style. So cute! He is making me laugh in so many ways these days. And I am in awe by him, because he has started using his manners without being prompted. He tells me, "Thank you, Mommy" when I get him some milk. And he says, "Excuse me" if he burps or coughs. He is so darn cute!

Anyway... how's everybody doing? It's been a quiet week for me. Literally. The day after my baptism, I lost my voice. I was down to a whisper for a few days, and probably just started getting my voice back fully yesterday. That's a whole week, y'all. Of me being quiet. Oh, so rare!

As annoying as it was for me and those listening to me, it was a good lesson for me too. For one thing, I couldn't yell at the kids. I kind of liked that, and I'm sure they did too. And since I was whispering, they would whisper back to me sometimes. It was kind of fun.

And, for another thing, I did a lot more listening last week than I usually do. I don't feel like I'm the best listener, and often wish I were better at it. I got my chance to do just that! I listened to my friends' talk about their lives a little more, I listened to my kids a little more, and I listened to God's whispers a little more too. If my throat hadn't been hurting, it might have been REALLY nice! And here's the other downside: I couldn't sing very well at church. That was a bummer!

Just as this past weekend approached and I thought I might start feeling a tad bit better, I woke on Saturday with a pinched nerve in my neck. Yeow! It was pretty painful. And it was about the same on Sunday and Monday, until I went to the chiropractor - and have been doing so every single day. It's still a bit pinched, but at least I'm able to move and pick Jackson up again. Now if I could just get this minor lupus flare to simmer down and stop attacking my hands, I'd be peachy!

There you have it: an update on my ailing, frail body. I've been joking all week that I got baptized and then the devil wanted to shut me up and put me in pain. But he didn't succeed because I found a way through it all, and the silver lining to boot! Even when my voice is silenced, I can still find words to praise the amazing ways God works in my life. Lucky me. God is good!

Wordless Wednesday

Messy Play, with ketchup and mustard. Yum!

Dad Recites Six Golden Coins

Oh, boy, do I have a treat for you! I have been wanting to do this for a while, and started working on it last Sunday. Which, if you remember correctly, was Father's Day. A perfect day to spend with my dad again!

Years and years ago, Dad recorded himself reading some of his favorite poems. I have it on CD now, and I've written about it before here. And now, I'm going to share one of the poems with you. I used photos from Dad's life to illustrate the recording, which was one of his very favorites. And now, may I present "Six Golden Coins," written by Martin Buxbaum and recited by my daddy.

Note: You'll need to pause the music player on my blog sidebar before you watch this video.

Weekend Recap: Birthday Party, Father's Day & Baptism

Oh, what a weekend! It was exhausting and exhilarating and beautiful and so full of such incredible love. I am, literally, hoarse today and need to take a break from talking and doing and just BE. It was just a great weekend.

First there was Katie's birthday party on Saturday morning.

It was blazing hot and of course we had planned an outdoor party. Dan's cousin, Juggling Jeff, put on a show for us. He is funny and entertaining and the kids loved heckling him, Katie especially. (She is a lippy six year old now! As opposed to the lippy five year old she once was...)
Jeff juggled balls and bowling pins and FIRE - even on a ball in the heat on a hill. Sheesh! What a guy!

I think Katie had a blast with everyone and loved being the center of attention.

Saturday night, I joined about 20 other baptizees and spoke at two church services. I was completely nervous and scared to do this, because it is very much out of my comfort zone. However, it turned out very well and I am so glad that I did it. I felt God's presence and courage while I was on the stage, and the best news is I didn't even throw up! Seriously, it felt great to share part of my story and to hear encouragement from others.

Sunday morning was a big Father's Day focus for Dan and the kids. We fed him breakfast in bed (our usual Sunday morning chocolate chip waffles), showered him with gifts, then left him alone to eat in peace. After breakfast, Katie begged to go on a bike ride so we obliged. It was hot but fun too. Dan escaped to take his own dad to a movie, and I worked on a project that made my dad feel closer too. That was nice. When the evening rolled around, the focus fell from Dan and onto me.

We headed to our church, Windsor Crossing, for my baptism. (Here's a link to the 2005 video.) It was flaming hot and the baptizees were all dressed in dark clothes to avoid the wet t-shirt peep show, but somehow I didn't mind too much. Despite the discomfort, I felt a huge outpouring of love. I had so many people there to support me: my husband and kids, in-laws, neighbors, friends from so many different walks of my life, and even one of my former pastors happened to be there to witness someone else's baptism. Dan and our friend Michael also walked beside me the entire way as my Water Witnesses. I was so humbled and honored to have about so many people there, boiling in the heat, just for me. Just to watch me take Christ's hand and dance. Does anyone out there know what an amazing, powerful, unbelieveable feeling that is? It's indescribable, y'all.

And then... And. Then. To step into that water with a heart that was trembling from fear (remember the judgment I wrote about?), but also trembling from excitement and love and humility and gratefulness... ah. The pastor told me to look at these people who were here to witness my journey, but that only made me more nervous. So I just closed my eyes and let my heart fill with peace. The Spirit calmed me, and my worries floated away as I was gently laid back and under the water, then lifted up into the light. Joy replaced all the other emotions in my heart, and I went straight to Dan to hug him and share our strength. It was, again, indescribable.

So I will let the photos do the rest of the talking. You'll see all the excitement and celebration that my church goes through for this celebration, and you'll see some of my friends and family in the photos too. I also slipped in some of the beautiful mementos and flowers that were gifted to me as a reminder of this day in my life. A special thank you to our friend Keith for taking the photos all day.

And, God? Thank you for such a vivid demonstration of your love for me. I am yours!

Note: You'll need to pause the music player on my blog sidebar before you watch this video.

Little Shaver

Dan and Jackson took showers together this morning, then performed a little manly hygiene. I was lucky enough to witness it and snap some photos.

What a fun treat for Father's Day!

Superman

God rests His hand upon you.

You are the leader. The rock. The office hero. The elastic jungle gym. The first to wrestle and the last to give in.

You are the hunter and the teacher. Little eyes watch you and little feet chase your steps. You set the tone for the family to follow.

You carry the weight of providing, the weight of the world, and the weight of little bodies.

You show us how to keep on, never giving up. You are loyal. Dedicated. Tired but hopeful.

You teach us to laugh.

In your hands rest our hearts, safe and secure in the depths of your strength.

You are someone's son and someone's father, loved beyond measure. Our hero. Our heart. Our daddy.

Happy Father's Day!

In Real Life

I made a new friend today, in real life (IRL). I "met" Gina in cyberspace through Jodie's blog when we both posted about Unplugging on June 1. She commented on my blog and I visited hers, and we figured out that we live near each other. Our emails started going offline and we wrote back and forth for a bit, and finally made plans to meet IRL today at the local library. It was Outdoor Play day, and our two boys (who are only a few weeks apart in age) had lots of fun getting messy and VERY wet. They didn't play much with each other, which is to be expected at age two, but Gina and I got a chance to chat in person and I really enjoyed my short visit with her.

Gina is my first blog friend to crossover to my real life. I think that's pretty cool. Hope to see you again soon, Gina!

My Baptism

Whoa, baby. That's quite a title, isn't it? You probably think I'm going to go down memory lane and write about my infant baptism from 35 years ago. Uh, no. THIS baptism hasn't happened yet. But it's going to, this weekend. This Sunday, to be exact. On Father's Day.

And, whew! I have been so excited but also so freaked out about it that I haven't really mentioned it. Well, except for alluding to it here.

Why would I be freaked out, you ask? Well, there's the issue of being in front of masses of people. That alone is enough to make me want to throw up. Seriously. If you know me IRL or have ever met me in passing, you might not think I'm shy. But add an extra 10 or more people, and I start to clam up. It's the reason I failed miserably at being a TV news reporter, and why I froze during a live shot once. The thought of more than 10 people watching me at once and probably judging me makes me shut down. Completely.

So there's the going public thing. But there's also the going public with my faith thing. Whoa, baby. There's a whole ball of wax for you. The thought of professing belief in something that so many people think is a crock scares me. It's not that I don't believe. It's that I worry, again (and yes, unnecessarily), about the whole judgment thing. I know, I've been on the other side lots of times. I've seen those "crazy Christians" and all the stuff they swallow hook, line and sinker. So professing my faith publicly might make people question my sanity.

Well, then... y'all go right ahead. Because, honestly, I am totally sane. And even though my fear of public exposure STILL might make me throw up, I am walking into the water on Sunday night with a clear head and a humble heart. Because I want to. Because I NEED to. Because Jesus is holding his hand out to me, asking me to dance with Him. I know that I could go on dancing alone or sitting on the sidelines and watching others dance, but that's not fully living. I want to be in the thick of it, because it is so darn blessedly beautiful.

I am already in the thick of it, whether I go underwater on Sunday or not. The baptism isn't what saves me, Jesus is. But Sunday's celebration will be my public acceptance of His dance card. It's me stepping out of my comfort zone and learning how to live with fear and judgment from others, and learning how to let go of that fear and judgment. Because, in the end, it's just me and Him.

When I first heard that this year's baptism is on Father's Day, I was kind of bummed. I hadn't mentioned even to Dan that I wanted to be baptized (because I thought even he might think I was off my rocker), and didn't plan on doing it this year. But as time went on and then Good Friday changed my heart, I realized I really really wanted to be baptized at our church. Every single time I watched one of the baptism videos at church, I cried. Heavy, heavy tears. (Go here to see one from 2005.) God tugged on my heart, and I finally told Dan about my desire. He fully supported me, and we started making plans. And now I realize how great it'll be to be baptized on Father's Day. It's a day for recommitment to my Father, and helps me realize the ways God is filling those holes in my life that were made when my family died.

So, now you know. And, of course, now you are free to judge. But now I'm going to step away and rest in my Father's arms. He is so good to me. So very good. Especially when I don't deserve it. I am humbled, and I am Loved.

Keep me in your prayers this weekend, and I'll be sure to post some photos after the big day!

"It was down with the old man, up with the new./Raised to walk in the way of light and truth./I didn't see no angels, just a few saints on the shore,/But I felt like a newborn baby cradled up in the arms of the Lord." Kenny Chesney, Baptism

Birthday Recap

I think Katie had a nice sixth birthday.

It started with balloons in her room upon waking. I try to sneak in after she goes to sleep the night before and put balloons in her room to greet her in the morning. Then she wanted to lounge in her bed and read, so I let her while I did my morning workout. When Jackson's screams indicated he was ready to get up, I got him and we went into Katie's room together. Jackson was carrying his toy wooden birthday cake, and we sang "Happy Birthday" to Katie.

Breakfast was the kids' favorite meal: chocolate chip waffles. Aunt Mimi (my sister Mary) called to wish her happy birthday, and then she decided to Skype us so she could watch Katie open the presents they sent. Mary is at the beach with her in-laws (who are like a second family to me in some ways), and they all squeezed in around the laptop to watch Katie and Jackson. Can you see them in the photo? It was such a fun way to celebrate with Katie!

Then while we waited for the summer school bus, I sat with Katie and showed her our 2003 scrapbook. She got to see all the photos of her birth again. The bus came, and she was off to school. It was a field trip day to the zoo, so she was excited. I packed a cupcake in her lunch for her to enjoy too.

When Katie got off the bus, we played outside in the stifling heat until Dan arrived home. Then we loaded the sweaty kids in the car and Katie chose dinner at Red Robin. I was reminded again why we don't eat out with them very often (Jackson likes to throw food, scream loudly, and refuses to eat almost everything). The servers sang to Katie and presented her an ice cream sundae. When they found out she is six, one quipped, "Only 10 more years until she is driving!" I physically shuddered when she said that, and the mean woman laughed. No tip for you! (Just kidding.) Sorry about the photo quality - I brought the small camera and it's having focus issues.

We stopped on the way home so Katie could pick out two balloons, then opened presents in our living room at home. Katie's favorite gift was a TykeLight Jr. (She's been coveting it since we stayed at Susan's house in November!) She was thrilled with it. Yes, I know it's kind of a baby thing, but she is ONLY six. And who doesn't love a little glow in their bedroom? Katie also received a present from her friend Kaylala and Uncle Dan, and got some cool phone messages from other friends (Uncle Leo and her best friend Ryan). I think she felt so special.

Next was bath and computer game time for Katie, then bedtime. Before she went to bed, Katie asked me to rock her in our recliner again - which is what I did the night before her birthday, telling her I'd never be able to rock a five-year-old Katie again. She liked it so much that she asked me to rock her as a six-year-old. Of course, I obliged.

It was a great day, full of special reminders to Katie of how much she is loved.

Letters From a Skeptic

On Tuesday, I finished a book called Letters from a Skeptic by Dr. Gregory A. Boyd and Edward K. Boyd. It is a book of 29 correspondences, spanning three years. Those letters were to and from Greg's father, Ed.

Greg himself was a former atheist turned pastor, and invited his dad to ask any and all questions about religion. So Ed did, and they are some very in-depth and thought-provoking questions. Ones that I myself still wonder about, like evil and pain and natural disasters and the validity of the Bible and how exactly Jesus' death can logically pardon our sins. Greg's answers are so straightforward, and the book really captivated me.

I won't ruin the ending for you, but I will say that this book will change your way of thinking. If you've read it, leave me a comment and let me know what you thought of it. If you haven't read it, go get yourself a copy!

Happy Sixth Birthday, Katie!

Dear Katie,

Welcome to your seventh year of life! You have six magical ones tucked under your belt, and you are just getting started on a brand new journey. What do you think this one will bring you? Here's what I have in mind:

You're starting first grade in a few weeks. I predict it will bring more structure to your life, along with homework and deeper learning. I'm hoping you'll get to start some classes like gymnastics or martial arts. Wouldn't that be fun? Summer is getting into full swing, and your gills are growing back from all the swimming at the pool. By Labor Day weekend, I predict you'll be tan and muscular after about a billion dives in the deep end.

Fall will come, and you'll probably beg to be a princess of some sort for Halloween. Maybe you will, or maybe I'll try to steer you to some other goofy costume. Or maybe Daddy will beg you to be a Mizzou Tiger... or at least a Mizzou cheerleader. Thanksgiving and Christmas will follow quickly, and your eyes will light up with the magical power that a bunch of presents under the tree will hold over you. I can't wait to see what you ask Santa to bring you, and I can't wait to get even deeper into the story of Christmas and the gift of Jesus in our lives.

The new year will roll in and hopefully you will have lost your first tooth by then. I know it's a dream you have right now. You can't wait to be like the other big kids you know, and I can't wait to see your toothless grin. Promise me you'll share lots of snaggle-tooth smiles with me, okay? Valentine's Day will come and I'm sure you'll talk more than you already do now about boys and marriage. You'll still beg me and Daddy to kiss, just like you already do on a daily basis. Your fascination with love and relationships surprises me and makes me realize how deeply God wired you for love. Winter will deepen and you'll build snowmen with Daddy and Jackson and go sledding.

Spring will finally return, and we'll look for butterflies and rabbits in our back yard. You'll help Daddy plant another garden, and pick yet another mystery plant to put in the ground so you can surprise me when it bears fruit. And before we know it, you'll be finishing first grade and getting ready to turn seven. All in the blink of an eye.

I'm sure the coming year will present its own problems too, not just milestones and celebrations. You'll learn more about the complicated world and the harsh ways people can treat each other. Unfortunately, you'll probably have your heart broken by someone in some small way (which will feel pretty large to you), and you'll get in trouble a few times as you test the boundaries that are becoming a little gray in some areas. You'll have some endings that we can't foresee, but the good news is there will be some beginnings too. You'll go deeper into this "in-between" world you inhabit: life between being a baby/toddler/girl and the girl/kid/woman you'll become. Six is just close enough to the early years but thankfully far away from the coming emotional years. You're getting the slightest taste of what's to come; a terrifying thought for me and Daddy.

Oh, Katie. With every year that passes, I become more and more fascinated by you. Your heart deepens in ways I can't fathom, and your memory is getting stronger as you store away all the new experiences you're having. My pride in you is matched only by my love for you. Sometimes you are amazing and frustrating in the same moment, an enigma and a mystery. You are beautiful from the outside and also on the inside. You make Daddy, Jackson and me laugh with your silliness. You make me wonder and you make me think. Sometimes I hardly know what to do with you and the person you're becoming, and the person you're helping me to become too.

Thank you for six glorious years. For all the smiles and joy you've given me this past year, and for all the growth and changes you've brought into our lives. Daddy and I love you deeply, and are so lucky to be your parents.

Happy birthday, Peepers!

Love,

Mommy