2016 in Review

January started with the waters receding after major December floods in St. Louis.

Personally, January was marked by raging mercy and a promotion for Dan. That promotion set the tone for the year to come in more ways than one.

The highlight of February was the first weekend, when Katie and I went on our church's youth retreat called WinterBlast. It was a fun (tiring!) weekend.

My third Holy Yoga retreat started March off with a bang. I thoroughly enjoyed the photography sessions I had and the women (and one man!) who became more than clients to me: they are now my friends!

I also spent a glorious March day with my friend Cindy as we went on a photography hunt in a field of thousands of daffodils.

In March, the kids and I took a spring break road trip to my hometown Marietta, GA. It was my high school's 50th birthday party.

I also had a senior photo session with my niece Peyton.

April was a book launch team (Looking for Lovely), the annual International Pillow Fight Day, and an earthquake of a conference by author Dan Allender that Dan and I attended.

I also had 3 photo shoots in April, plus our own extended family photos in celebration of my mother-in-law's 70th birthday. (April also meant her big birthday party.)

May was a daytime Cardinals game with my friend, a visit to the Botanical Garden (and LOTS of beautiful photos for future devotions yet to be written), a senior portrait session, hail damage, a solo trip to Arlington Cemetery, a business trip with Dan to Las Vegas, the end of the school year, and a mother-daughter art retreat.

We started June with a trip to Asheville, NC on the way to my niece's high school graduation in Pinehurst, NC.

Almost as soon as we got home, Katie and I left for a five day church youth summer camp.

Right after that, Katie became a TEENAGER. Eeeek! That was followed by our church's baptism blowout party, and the start of a deep funk for me.

June further unraveled with me and the kids sick on the couch, followed by a mouse (or mice) invading our house. We clung desperately to happy by adventuring out to Knockerball as a family, just before our piano arrived.

This brings us to July and some summer adventures: fireworks on the 4th (this year at Innsbrook), our annual day at Six Flags, graduation parties, and camps. Dan's job had become even more high pressure with a larger time commitment. At the end of July, we traveled to Kansas City (on fumes) for the wedding of our friends Brad and Andy.

August started with one last summer adventure with friends to Anheuser Busch's Warm Springs Ranch.

The Olympics found us on the couch a lot, being inspired by the world's best athletes. School started back up, and I flew to New York City to help my sister move into her new home.

August ended with another trip: this time, Dan and I flew to North Carolina to celebrate my brother-in-law Wally's military retirement.

September marked the beginning of the Mizzou football season as Dan and I escaped on day trips to CoMo for the games.

September is also when I waved the white flag and started seeing a counselor again. Right after that, our friend Sean died and we're still struggling to grasp the loss.

In early October, Dan and I took another trip - this time to New York City to celebrate my sister's 50th birthday.

October included more photo sessions, fall break, more Mizzou games, camping, and having coffee with an author whose book deepened my faith and changed my perspective.

The end of October brought the 20th anniversary of my brother Jackson's death, and I marked the day by finally getting the tattoo I've been planning for years.

Jackson started wrestling at the end of October. We had another funeral to attend, another Mizzou game, and we sputtered into Halloween with hardly a fall decoration on display. (I felt drained, y'all.)

November's election just about did me in, as well as the rest of the country. Thankfully, I had some distractions to keep me moving: more photo sessions, lots of Katie event (a trip to MOYIG in Jefferson City...

...a smashed iTouch screen, science project, and Metro8 performance where she was selected first chair), a last Mizzou game, and a Blues game to celebrate Dan's sister's 40th birthday. Whew! We made it to Thanksgiving. Just barely.

Our family attended our first ever wrestling tournament at the start of December. Dan and I were in desperate need of connection with each other, so we had an adventure day with a St. Louis city scavenger hunt.

I made my last trip of the year, back to North Carolina to see our niece Hannah graduate from college.

Katie and I attended a Christmas concert, an ice storm hit St. Louis and wrecked lots of plans and property, and we finally had our siding repaired. (Remember that hail storm back in May? Yep. It took us THAT long to get the work done.)

Dan and I celebrated our 21st wedding anniversary with a lunch date and a visit to a new float spa in the area.

Christmas Eve services at church involved bell ringing, hearkening back to the 2010 services that will forever be our favorite.

And, there you have it: 2016 in a nutshell. I didn't describe the ick in extreme detail, because I do want to honor privacy. Plus, if I open that can of worms I'm not sure the lid will fit when it's time to shelve it. There are parts I want to forget, but I know forgetting only results in repeating the same patterns. So I'll remember 2016, but I'm hoping the good stuff outshines the pain that 2016 brought with it.

I'm praying 2017 brings rest and joy and hope to you and to my family, too.

Winter Snow: Lyrical Christmas Countdown, Day 22

Like yesterday's lyrics, today's song is one I first heard at church. I don't remember the sermon or even the year, but I will never forget my friend Emily singing it on a darkened stage. It was simple and quiet and one of the holiest moments I've ever witnessed.

This song is just that: simple, quiet and holy. It's the best reminder for me of God's ability to restrain His magnificent power in order to save the people He adores; the same people who can't quite handle magnificent power because it would shock us. God is - thankfully - willing to become quiet, soft and slow so we can understand Him better.

This is why God gives the best gifts. He gives in a way the recipient would be most comfortable and receptive. It's unconditional love!

Day 22: Winter Snow, written and performed by AudreyAssad

I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day: Lyrical Christmas Countdown, Day 21

Oh, this song STILL gives me chills! Not necessarily the song itself, but the memory of the first time I heard it in a live setting.

It was at Christmas Eve church services in 2010, and the sermon was about bells being a reminder of God's presence in our lives. At the end of the service, this song was sung.

At its peak crescendo the song morphed into the chorus of Glorious One by Steve Fee, which was a throwback to the key song we sang at church the Easter before. Imagine going from "The wrong shall fail, the right prevail with peace on earth, good will to men," straight into "Glorious One! Glorious One! Light of the world, You outshine the sun!" and at that very moment, bell ringers and chimes and all sorts of clinking filled our church auditorium. OH. MY. GOODNESS. This memory is why the song "I Heard the Bells" is so deeply embedded in my heart!

Want to see a recording of this exact moment I described? Here's a link to the YouTube video.

​Day 21's song is I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day, written by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, performed by Casting Crowns.

Catastrophes = TROPHIES

Ten years ago, we had half of the basement finished. The day the carpet was installed, I grabbed some Sharpies and wrote lyrics, scriptures, and quotes all over the concrete before it was covered up. I also wrote a letter to the person who would uncover it next, not relaxing that person would be ME.

Yesterday, when our basement flooded, this was the first quote I saw when the carpet was pulled back. Right next to it was the entirety of Psalm 23. It spoke calm to me in the midst of a very stressful moment, and I'm so grateful that Elizabeth-of-Ten-Years-Ago was weird enough to go writing things on concrete. Elizabeth-of-Today needed the reminder that life is more than a series of catastrophes. Not only are WE bigger than anything that can happen to us, but GOD is!

Catastrophes = TROPHIES for God's glory and mercy.

[And for you @crossingstl folks, the Sharpie quotes were written 3 years before we ever stepped into church. I love that God placed me in a church that speaks my Sharpie love language, before I even knew there was such a thing!]

Kingdom Ambassador

This week, I read chapters 7 and 8 of Derwin Gray’s Limitless Life book for the Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study. Chapter 7 is called “From Consumer to Contributor.” I had a butt scrunch moment when I read about psychologist Philip Cushman’s description of what he calls the “Empty Self.” I felt a little touchy when I read this:

The empty self is all about itself. Its hopes and dreams revolve around making its life better and more comfortable at others’ expense. It has very little concern for the needs of those around it unless meeting someone else’s needs helps it achieve its desires.

Scrunch! See what I mean? How many times have I made a decision in life based on my own needs? It’s happened countless times as a mother, daughter, sibling, friend, neighbor, employee. Yes, I know these moments aren’t what define me, but they are a warning that I can quickly take on the persona of what Derwin* calls the “Empty Self of the Consumer.” We can ALL take on that persona pretty quickly, can’t we?

Thank God that my Empty Self** doesn’t have to stay empty! God gives me a new label. This is the part of the chapter I really liked! Derwin reminded me that I am an ambassador: “an authorized messenger or representative of a higher authority.” And furthermore:

I started thinking about that: what if I lived my days like an ambassador of the King, and behaved like He was reflected in me? And then I did something crazy. I decided to wear a nametag that says “Ambassador” for one day, to see how it would change my perception of myself. I used one of the nametags I made for the photo above, and put it on before arriving at work.

I had a lot of my coworkers ask me, “What’s up with your nametag?” and I got to tell them about Derwin’s book and the reminder that we are all Ambassadors. (I work at my church and all of my coworkers are Christ-followers, so they are Ambassadors too.) But, honestly, the nametag wasn’t for them. It was a reminder to me that I am not my own; I am God’s daughter before I am anything else. One of my tasks that day was to write a stack of notes to a group of people in my church who are being baptized this Sunday at our annual baptism celebration. I sat at my desk, reminded myself to be an Ambassador, and poured out prayers for each of the baptizees. It was a good way to spend my workday.

Derwin also writes this in Chapter 7:

When you signed up to follow Jesus, He gave you the ministry of reconciliation. You are a reconciler. Your life is a bridge over which people walk from death to life.

I can’t explain how badly my soul needed to hear that reassurance! I am in the midst of feeling disqualified in various arenas, and this truth reminds me: no matter what my title is, no matter who I live with, no matter if my parents are living or dead, no matter who stopped being my friend… I am a minister/caretaker/reconciler of souls. God gave me that honor and responsibility long ago. It has been easy for me to fill my days with other duties and quickly lose sight of this priority. I pray I can remember my qualifications as a reconciler.

 

*Yes, I write about Derwin as if we are on a first-name basis. Humor me, y’all!

**Does anyone else envision an empty shelf every time they read the term “Empty Self?” I keep imagining my life as an empty shelf before Jesus came to fill it! Maybe that’s just quirky imagery in my mind.

“Jesus transforms us to see people through the filter of His love.” ~ Derwin Gray

It’s gotten pretty laughable lately: in an effort to squeeze every productive moment out of every minute of the day, I have been carrying a bag of reading material with me everywhere I go. [Laughable because sometimes I carry TWO bags! And I do it WAY more than necessary.] I do it in desperation in the hopes that I’ll be able to steal just one five minute chunk of time for my own mental development, amongst all the other detritus of life (packing lunches, tidying the house, library visits for the kids, and driving to Point A from Point B).

It’s in that last bit of detritus that gives me the highest hopes, especially when my husband is driving and I get to ride along in blissful downtime. That’s where I found myself on Tuesday night, as we drove (for one! whole! hour!) to pick Jackson up from camp. The bad news is we were driving in a pretty bad storm. To keep my adrenaline from shooting through the car roof, I grabbed Derwin Gray’s book Limitless Life from my bag and tried to focus on chapter 6 instead of the wet roads and inattentive drivers around me.

It helped, immensely.

Chapter 5 is called “From Damaged Goods to Trophy of Grace.” Three truths that spoke to me from that chapter: 1) Jesus unifies that which man divides. 2) Damaged people attract the heart of God. 3) The Gift and the Gift-giver are a package deal. I am thankful for the reminder that I am no longer damaged goods and am now a trophy of God's grace!

(For the record, I could write lots more about those three points above, especially #1. Oooo, baby! Man tries so hard to categorize and divide his existence, and it is so painful to be a dividee – and also a divider! Yes, I fit both descriptions.)

Chapter 6 of Limitless Life is called “From Religious to Grace Covered.” Almost exactly six years ago, I walked into a church that – after some time – helped me to understand how I had been living a religious life and not a Christ-centered life. I finally had a true “religious experience” – albeit heavy on the “experience” and light on the “religious.”

Making this slight focal shift unraveled me and grace frayed every edge of my neatly tied knots. It gave me clarity I had been missing for decades, and I fell in love with Jesus. Slowly, Jesus started transforming me and He hasn’t stopped. Like a rough gemstone, He’s been polishing me and I’m learning to reflect His light. He’s purifying me the way a silversmith might purify his treasure which, honestly, can sometimes be pretty painful. But I trust that He won’t leave me in the fire too long. I love what Derwin Gray wrote on page 124: “Jesus transforms us to see people through the filter of His love.”

A few years ago, I remember singing the worship song “Hosanna” by Christy Nockels for one of the first times. The lyric that says, “Break my heart for what breaks Yours” reverberated inside me and I began turning those lyrics into a prayer. And now, some days I ask myself, “WHY DID YOU DO THAT?!” because some days, that heart-breaking can really freaking hurt. But, like Derwin writes, Jesus is transforming me to see His world through His filter.

January 2014 Review

Oh, January. Oh, January! It wasn’t the prettiest month for me, but it did end on a BANG! (Click here to read about the highlight of our January: my birthday surprise!)

January had – count ‘em! – SIX SNOW DAYS for my kids. The first four snow days came on the tail end of Christmas break, which meant we had some craziness going on ‘round here. My church/office is closed the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day, so I had a lot of catching up to do and couldn’t take a snow day off to do it. The kids spent a lot of time with me at work, and at home while I worked, and at home some more. I’m thankful my job is flexible when we are in dire straits! There was lots of movie watching, even at work (this is in the church lobby).

We got crafty on those snow days, too. I had to get some creative energy out, and bartered some homemade non-slip headbands in exchange for one of Gina’s awesome custom canvases. Here are the headbands I made.

Being snowed in meant our family got to celebrate a milestone together: for the first time, Jackson saw ALL of the Star Wars movies (episodes 4, 5 & 6). He loved them! And, oh… he was in shock when he saw Darth Vader’s real face for the first time!

There was so much snow and it was SO cold that the kids didn’t even get much time to play in the snow. Dan took them out one day for about 20 minutes, and they dug a tunnel in the snow.

We got creative with indoor activities and even pulled out the trusty old bean box we used to play with when the kids were toddlers. Note to self: it’s STILL fun!

On one of those snow days when I took the kids to my office, we put them to work. Katie took down all the Christmas decorations in the kids’ classrooms and was a mighty vacuumer!

They also helped make binders for one of the classes at church, along with our pastor’s kids.

Finally, Christmas break ended and school was back in session. You can’t imagine the giddiness I felt when the bus pulled up. And it wasn’t just me: the kids were thrilled too!

I got to host a special gathering of women from my church, and we practiced Holy Yoga together. It was a beautiful evening that started as the sun was setting. When we finished with meditation that night, all we could see when we opened our eyes was flickering candles. It was breathtaking!

I came across this and had to take a photo of it. It’s the collection of nametags Katie has saved from the Saturdays she has spent with Dan on our church Outreach team. The team uses duct tape for nametags, and Katie enjoys each serving day so much that she keeps these mementos stuck to her dresser. It makes me incredibly happy to see her enjoy serving others so much!

Dan and Jackson spent some of the quiet January days working on his Cub Scouts pinewood derby car. Jackson did 99% of the work himself (except for one small part of sawing the wood when the curve was too tight). The day of the race, he didn’t win – and actually got last place in each heat. But he ended up winning a medal for the “Simplest Design” and was so proud anyway!

Katie loves to draw. I found this Post-It note in her school folder, and it cracks me up.

Katie also loves canned beans, especially green beans and lima beans. I’m kind of disgusted by how much she loves them, straight from the can.

I think I mentioned in December’s monthly review that this winter has brought some beautiful sunrises and sunsets. This one was pretty spectacular too. I think it *sort of* makes up for the snow overload.

One day, I was volunteering at the kids’ school and saw a wall full of new year’s resolutions outside Jackson’s classroom. The resolutions ranged from “help my mom more” to “be nice to my sister” to “clean my room.” And then I saw Jackson’s, which says he resolves to be an international skateboarder this year. Um… okay… ???!!

And, then… MLK, Jr. Day came and the kids were off and we had big plans to go skateboarding. We ended up at the emergency room instead.

I smashed Jackson’s hand in the car door as we were trying to leave. Mommy guilt is a harsh thing, and my heart hurt so bad every time I looked at his poor finger. The good news is nothing was broken, but the doctors couldn’t decide how to treat it. They ended up using skin glue to seal the shattered fingernail back together, and he wore a splint for a week. (It will take much longer for the mommy guilt to stop chirping!)

Now, to recap January so far: there was snow. And more snow. And really cold temps. Oh, and some more snow. Then a smashed finger, which means we had to stay inside a lot (not hard to do, with frigid temps!) and not be overly active for a while, at least until the finger healed a bit. Cabin fever was NOT our friend. I had to get creative, and FAST! One of the desperate creative ideas I pulled out was to hang a mosquito net in our living room for the kids to make a reading fort. It went over well, and stayed up for a long time too!

We were lucky enough to go rock wall climbing with Katie’s Girl Scout troop, too, which helped get some of the kids’ wiggles out. Jackson was given the green light to take off his finger split, so both kids climbed like monkeys up and down those walls!

The kids had a hat day at school (yes, she has a roasted turkey hat on her head).

A trip to the dentist…

…and January ended with my birthday surprise. It was a great end to a VERY cold and snowy and cabin-fevery month. But before I go, I have to mention one last highlight of January. At the start of the year, I downloaded a new app to my phone. It is called 1 Second Everyday, and it is so darn cool! You take a video every day, then you use the app to snip one second from that video to add to the calendar in the app. Those snips are compiled in to one long video, so there’s 1 second everyday (get it?) in the video. We have so enjoyed this app, and I love using it to soothe my compulsion to document every single day. Here’s a screen shot of the month of January. Our month-long video is so cool!