Bedtime Thoughts

Each night as I get ready for bed, I have an avalanche of thoughts that tumble through my head. Last night, I started writing them down and chuckling at how random my brain can be. I’m not the only one, right?

• Is agreeance a word?
• Why does my eye twitch so much now?
• Just know you’re not alone, ‘cause I’m gonna make this place your home. Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-ooo-ooo… (Phillip Phillips song on repeat in my head.)
• Betty White was a beard for Liberace. How did “beard” ever come to be used?
• Ow. That ripped cuticle hurts.
• How does Dan fall asleep faster than I can even brush my teeth?
• …‘cause I’m gonna make this place your home. Oo-oo-oo…
• The Biggest Loser
• Walking Dead
• Duck Dynasty
• I should paint my nails.
• Where is my lotion?
• Itchy back. Why does the same spot itch every.single.night?
• I should write this stuff down.
• I haven’t blogged in so long!
• Does anyone read it anyway?
• No one reads it.
• Mmmmm… electric blankets.
• My sister will be here soon!
• I should go to sleep. Or at least read.
• Stop. Making. A. List.
• NOW.

A Modern Psalm

I’m reading a Bible study called Coffee with the Savior by Kristen Myers. She is a friend of mine, and gave me a copy of her book as a gift. The focus of the study is about turning to Jesus for friendship instead of fruitlessly searching for that one “perfect” human friend to satisfy my deep longings. Oh, that message is so timely in my life right now!

The book compares time with Jesus as if He were a friend you were meeting for coffee. You greet Him the way you would a girlfriend: with a welcoming hello, a hug, a compliment (“It’s so good to see you. You look great! Did you cut your hair?” [Sidebar: could you imagine asking Jesus that?! I’ll bet He would chuckle with me.]), followed by catching up on life, sharing any heartaches or joys, and finishing with a promise to meet again – tomorrow, next week, when?

I’m in chapter three right now, which – in simplistic terms – would be the “compliment” stage. Kristen writes about how we can spend time praising Jesus (and how He does that for us too), and there are Psalm references that demonstrate what that looks like. Kristen asks the reader to write these praises in his/her own words. I wrote my verses as if Jesus had come over to have coffee in my living room, but they quickly evolved into a thank you note I might write to Him after our visit:

Hello, Jesus! It is so good to see you. I love when you visit with me and we can hang out. I always feel better when I’m with you. You listen to me and care for me. You encourage me and tell me how loved I am. Thank you for the gifts you lavish on me: the sunshine you just poured through my window, the quiet in my house, the sweet memories of holding my kids this morning, the breeze rustling my trees in the yard, the warm scent of Dan’s hugs. You always know just what I need. I feel so blessed to be your friend!

Sometimes, I wonder what it must have felt like for the Bible’s authors as they were writing the letters, poems, and first-person accounts that make up our holy scriptures. Since the words were inspired by the Holy Spirit, did the authors feel a certain one-ness as they were writing? Personally, I love writing and can get into a groove – some call it “flow” – when I’m writing. There are times that phrases (praises!) and words just fall out of my head, and I have no idea where they were rooted deep inside me. Don’t get me wrong: I am not comparing my writing to the Scriptures! But I am wondering how it felt for them to feel so deeply intertwined with the Author Himself. My silly “psalm” that I wrote this morning is really just a bit of gibberish, but I felt closer to my Friend when I wrote to Him. Can you imagine how much greater that feels when you’re writing in tandem with Him? Holy, inspired, and knowing without a doubt that He is using you for His purpose in reaching a thousand lifetimes yet to come.

Have you ever written a psalm of praise? Try it, and talk to Him as if you were leaving a comment on His heavenly blog. Wouldn’t it be awesome if we gave Him as much time as we give to our Google Readers? (That’s a rhetorical question, y’all. Something I am directing at my own wandering heart!)

Happy writing!

So Much to Say

It’s been quiet here at Six Golden Coins. Way too quiet for my liking! You must know how very much I dislike that. I can’t tell you how many posts I’ve started on the laptop inside my brain in the last ten weeks. I want to share the day-to-day details of my life (craft projects and cute things the kids say and photos of the beauty around me), as well as the deep and profound changes my soul has undergone lately. There is so much to say and not enough time to say it.

Right now, I am busy simply trying to find balance in my life. My new job is wonderful and challenging and life-changing all at once, but it has thrown my life completely off center. I struggle to find time to do what I used to do in half the time, plus figure out how to still be a wife and mother (the working mother mommy guilt has sharp nails that scratch at my confidence). Throw in the other mundane flotsam of life (laundry, groceries, cooking – ha! – and trying to stay on top of balancing my checkbook), and I’m stretched thin. Oh, and there are these “little” things like a crashed computer and two hugely major events at work in the last ten weeks (one of them being Easter! At! A! Church! Job!). I hardly know which end is up some days.

But I do know this: it will slow down. It gets easier every day. And more than anything, I have learned stronger boundaries and what really shouldn’t make it on my list anyway. Sorry to say that blogging, while it is a true creative outlet for me, isn’t at the top of my list. I love it. I miss it. And I will be back to it. But right now, it’s in line behind these things:

Sumo wrestling on the front lawn.

Pie night.

Watching my boy finally master pumping his own swing.

Getting to know some awesome coworkers.

Standing in the front row, worshiping the One who makes me who I am.

Pink toenails for the birthday boy.

Thirty seconds in the ticket blaster.

Creations by the best amateur balloon guy in town.

An arena full of Girl Scout chaos. (Which, now that I think of it, should have been WAY down on the priority list. Sheesh!)

Stroking this sweet little nose that we are pet sitting.

And doing my tiny little part to make this happen at my church.

For now, blogging will just have to wait. I’ll squeeze it in when I have a few stolen moments (or feel like I’m really gonna burst and MUST. WRITE. NOW.), but this time of my life is a season of boundaries: learning, practicing, and strengthening them.

I’m not very far away, and I’ll be back soon!

Let Me Clarify

Before we go any further, apparently some clarification is necessary after my last post. Feel free to go read it so you don't feel like you're missing something. Yes, I'll wait. Go on...

Okay, now that you know what I'm talking about... or what I am NOT talking about! So let's clarify it a bit and fill in the holes.

First up, NO, there was not any sort of cheating or lying or badness in my marriage. That is not what that post was referring to. (Somehow, some friends thought I was alluding to that.) And, yes, I am still a Christ follower. And I am still employed at my new job. And, yes, unfortunately, I am still an idiot. Now let me explain.

If you know anything about me in real life (or even by just reading my blog), you know I am, well... let's be honest here: I am a computer addict. My personal laptop was a Christmas gift in 2009. I was so happy to own it that I even gave it a name. I started relying on my computer - literally - as half of my brain. I do everything on the computer. I have my grocery list on the computer. (It is organized in sections that correlate to my local grocery store, so I can get shop! efficiently!) I have all my genealogy research on the computer. I have emails dating back years, including the last ones my dead brother, mother and father sent me. I have Christmas gift lists (given and received) dated from the year I got married to the present. Over 3,000 songs in my music library, recipes, a list of every book I've read, financial records, an Excel spreadsheet full of amazing quotes I've come across, and the start of a book I'm writing. Microsoft Outlook does the thinking for me when it comes to birthdays and anniversaries and planning my calendar out for the entire next year. Outlook also stores every single address for long-lost relatives and fellow White Castle Hall of Famers, as well as notes and the emails I mentioned above.

I wrote that entire preceding paragraph as if it were still present-tense. However, that is not the case. Five days before I wrote my last post, I lost E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G on my computer. For someone who treats her computer as an extension of her very own body, here's where the idiot mistake comes in: I did NOT back it up.

Let me stop here and expound for a moment: I am sure some of you reading this blog are now thinking, "Dude, whatever! You are a pansy, Elizabeth!" You think losing computer data is really no big deal. It's just information and ones and zeroes, right? Technically, yes. But for me, it's much more than that. And here's why I wrote this in my last post: "The mistake colored my faith, my marriage, my confidence, my everything this week."


Losing my computer colored my faith because it hit me right between the eyes how very much worth I put in a stupid piece of electronics. Since I am being brutally honest, I must admit that my computer has become an idol for me. Not an Idol with a big "I" (because I truly don't feel like I put it before Christ), but it's definitely an idol with a little "i." That's a hard thing to admit, and I'm ashamed to say my computer has been a higher priority sometimes than my husband, my children, my health, and my personal joy. Some days I spend more time with it than I do with those I love. Typing that sentence humiliates me and fills me with regret. When did I stop using the computer as a tool and start letting it become my brain?

Losing my computer also colored my marriage. I was so horrified by everything I lost on my computer that I was out of my mind and lashed out at Dan. He was having his own struggles and lashed back. It made for a dark fight, the kind we haven't had in years. It's hard to find your footing after that, but we extended grace and forgiveness to each other and are moving forward.

Losing my computer shook my confidence. In the midst of a hard month when I am trying to find my balance with my old job (being a mom) and my new job (administrative assistant) and learning to solidify boundaries and redefine my routines and my life, I lost one of the major tools that keeps me grounded. Remember how I talked about my Outlook calendar being responsible for dates and reminders? I rely on it to tell me when bills are due, and then I log in to a company website to pay said bills. But when I have no idea what bills are due when, much less WHAT password to use to log in (because the passwords were lost too!), it makes the world a little wobbly. You how some days you have a feeling that you're forgetting something, and how you feel "off" all day? Imagine me feeling that way since February 8, the day I handed my computer over to be fixed. And throw in a new job and Jackson's new school and new routines, and now you have a small idea of why losing my computer was a big deal.

So, enough with the justification and explanation. Here are the silver linings of the situation:

1) I didn't lose my photos. Since I take so darn many, I started storing them on an external drive a year or two ago. Thank God I didn't lose those!

2) Last October, I made another bonehead mistake that has actually turned out to be a blessing. I was trying to backup files on an external drive but accidentally deleted them instead. I bought software and was able to recover the files onto that external drive, then copy them onto my laptop again. All I have left now is whatever was on that external drive that was last updated six months ago. It doesn't include Outlook contacts, notes, emails or my calendar, but at least it's something. The bad news is that I lost six months of work, but the good news is that I still have a place to start. Silver lining: when you make a mistake, sometimes it turns out to be a GREAT thing.

3) No one stole my computer, which is a blessing. I kept financial information on there which, if stolen, could have ruined my credit and identity. I'm glad it was "just" a crash and not a theft.


4) I have gained perspective on life. In the grand scheme of things, losing a computer pales in comparison to the other life losses I've endured. To be honest, that's one of the reasons I cried the most when I realized I lost all of my data: it hit me that I lost my parents' and brother's emails and information too. When someone you love dies, you hang on to every last fiber and scrap that used to be them because you know there will never be anything new made by them again. It hurts to lose something that was a part of them, even if it was just an email. But I do know this: even if I have their emails, it doesn't make them any less dead. Clutching at their scraps won't bring them back, but no data loss will erase them from my brain either.

5) I am thanking God for this blog. It's a record of my life (and my kids' and husband's life) that exists outside of my laptop, and it is still alive even when the computer is not. I am especially glad that I still have this post that I wrote a year ago. It contains my father's last writings to me.

Looking forward, I will protect my laptop. I will invest in cloud storage and backup my data regularly. (I highly recommend you do the same.) Another thing I'm pondering is the use of some sort of cloud organizer instead of Microsoft Outlook. I've considered it in the past, but didn't want to go through the work of uploading all my contacts and calendar to another destination. Now that I am starting all over from scratch, I think maybe it's a good time to try it!

And to sum it all up, I go back to that image I used in my last post: "View your life with kindsight. Stop beating yourself up about things from your past. Instead of slapping your forehead and asking: 'What was I thinking?' Breathe and ask the kinder question: 'What was I learning?'"

An Actual Six Golden Coins Book

When I come across something that’s really awesome, I really can’t wait to share it with other people. If you know me at all, you know I feel that way about a few things: Jesus, scripture texts, fantastic books, beautiful songs, deep relationships, and nail polish strips. Now I have something else I can’t wait to pass along to you. If you don’t write a blog, this might not excite you quite the way it excited me. Because, OH! It really excited me! Just a few days ago, I received this in the mail:

It’s a book of my blog!!! An old friend of mine sent me an invitation to a website called Blog2Print a while ago, and I decided to treat myself to an early Christmas present. I went to the website, entered my blog address, selected the dates of the posts I wanted to include, and tweaked a few more things. The website then made a document out of my blog posts, and I could choose how I wanted to print it (in full color or black and white, with a soft or hard cover). Then I finalized it all and ordered one for about $25. (The full color version was about $300. Yikes!)

It arrived and I was enthralled with how cool it turned out. I also got to put a photo on the back!

I’ve printed my blog before, but it was seriously labor-intensive. I had to cut and paste each separate blog entry into a Word document, which was printed and bound at Kinko’s. It was a major pain, and the books turned out just okay. These are the 2008 and 2009 books, printed the “old-fashioned” way.

I am WAY more impressed with this new version. And here’s my awesome idea for the rest of you: if you know someone who writes a blog, give them the gift of seeing their blog in print. Or if you personally write your own blog, have your blog printed (or a selection of posts) to give to someone you love, so they can have a physical copy of your labor of love. (Talk about an Advent Conspiracy gift idea of presenCE!!!)

What Blogging Has Done For Me

Back in April, I wasn't quite sure why I should start. But for some reason, I did it anyway. And I have to say that it has become an amazing thing for me. I have thoroughly enjoyed it because:

1. I've remembered how much I really enjoy writing. I haven't liked writing this much since AP English with Mrs. Musgrove back in high school. I got my Journalism degree because I liked writing so much and it always came naturally to me, but making a living from it kind of dulled the sheen. Now I'm doing something I haven't done in a while: I'm writing just to write. What a concept. And maybe one day I'll make a living from it again, but it'll be on my terms next time. I don't want to feel pimped like I felt in TV news. Here's an interesting link I found on how blogging can improve your writing. I think it's true!
2. I've enjoyed seeing the world through bloggy glasses. It's like when I travel overseas and see that there is a whole other world outside my zip code. It's interesting to learn the contrast in people's lives by reading their blogs. I might post something about a great day I had and then find that a friend had an awful day, or vice versa. I like reading the slices of life that exist in the bloggy world.
3. Blogging has become a virtual scrapbook, diary, baby book, and venting outlet for me. I've been able to chronicle my life and my family's life and include multimedia like video clips, photos and scanned artwork within the pages of my blog. My wish of having something for my children to read one day has come true. (Let's just hope they're not too embarrassed.) I've been able to vent and whine a bit in my blog, and get reassurance that I'm not crazy.
4. ...which leads me to reason #3: I love the new bloggy friends I've made. I've always loved having pen pals (which Janera wrote about), and now the virtual version is even more fun. I get to read all kinds of great writing from people I might never have met before. I have bloggy friends who are in totally different stages of their lives, and yet I've found common ground with them. I love that I am "friends" with other moms who are still in the trenches, and moms who can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I have even found friends in different countries, and friends who are somehow related to my sister (Hillary). It's so cool! And although I've never met these friends in person, I hope to some day.
5. I also love the old friends I've connected with through my blog. I've found friends from my old neighborhood (Julia), high school (Tracy), friends who have moved away (Brina and Tammy), former co-workers (Catrina and Jen), and friends I see in person on a regular basis (Danielle, Sarah, Jen, and Robin). And in reading comments on some old friends' blogs, I've also found even more "other" friends!
6. I am keeping in touch with people a little bit better. A lot of my friends and family can keep tabs on us now by checking my blog. I love that. The only problem with that is if they don't have a blog, the information is a bit one-sided. They know what I'm doing and therefore don't call or connect as much, but that means I don't know what they are doing. That's kind of a bummer. So can all y'all get yourselves a blog now too? Then my little bloggy world would truly be paradise.