Conflicted in Conflict

I have to admit: In my life, I haven’t given much thought to the idea of Satan. I guess I always chalked him up to the equivalent of the Boogie Man, and I don’t give him much thought either.

But these days, I’m reevaluating the presence of the devil. Satan. The adversary, as some call him. (Cue the scary music.) I think he’s trying to wiggle his way into my heart.

I’m having issues with a Former Friend. We used to be close many many years ago, but something happened and that period of our lives ended. Now there are new issues cropping up. I won’t share the details because it’s a private matter and no one needs to air dirty laundry on a blog. Forgive me for being so cryptic. I’m sure you’re thinking, “If she’s not going to share the details, why even bring it up?” I’m bringing it up because it has me so conflicted inside.

Part of me wants to react to the situation with anger and seek retribution. Aha, that’s where the “devil is dancing,” as a woman from my small group put it. Oh, how I want to give this Former Friend a verbal dress down!

But for one of the first times in my life, I’m choosing a different path. I’m taking an active stance to follow Jesus and let Him show me how to handle this conflict. Jesus is whispering in my heart. He tells me, “Elizabeth, I’ve called you to a life that’s better than anger and retribution.” Then He reminds me that His love covers everyone. Everyone. Even me. And even her.

And as much as I want to take the low road on this one, as much as my human sinfulness wants to spew hurt back on the hurters, I know this time I have the choice to show the world (or at least my Former Friend) who holds my heart now. I am making the conscious effort to override the unconscious response of anger. And, dude! It is really really hard!

Retribution and anger can consume me. Thankfully, I’ve got a firewall that promises to protect me. At the end of the day, I want You to be proud of me, Jesus. I want You to shine through me. Amen!