Happy 6th Birthday, Jackson!

Hi, Sugar Boy! It’s your big day, and you have been counting down to your birthday for quite a while now. Your joy was tangible when I woke you this morning. I love when you are so excited about something that it makes everyone around you excited too.

You are a big six year old, and you have no idea what sort of influence you have, do you? When I think of life-changers, six year olds don’t come to mind for me. But you… oh, you’re a different story. You create ripples and splashes everywhere you go! Sometimes it’s a huge cannonball of a moment when we’re at a store and you have a tantrum that everyone can hear. (Ha!) Other moments aren’t as grandiose, and yet they still leave an impact.

Yesterday, for example, we had an acquaintance drop something off at our house. The woman brought her 8 year old son, who was painfully shy. He could hardly stand to look at anyone’s face because he was so withdrawn. The boy sat on the far edge of the couch, behind his mom where no one could see him. He faded into the background while everyone chatted. Meanwhile, you were slowly bringing each of your favorite toys into the room and demonstrating how they work, and looking over at this boy each time. Once or twice you tried to give the toy to him, and he wouldn’t accept it. So you found another toy and played with it. Finally, you cracked through this boy’s shell and after 30 minutes, he followed you downstairs to our basement playroom. The next thing I know, you were chasing each other through the house with Nerf guns.

Can you understand what I’m saying with this example? My son, you are a charmer. You love people, and your need for interaction with them breaks through the barriers they build around themselves. You are persistent (oh, how I know this!) and when you find something you want, your tenacity is unyielding. I’m grateful for that, although I still need to figure out how best to harness that character trait!

Your fifth year had a few struggles too, and we weathered lots of changes: I went back to work. You started Kindergarten. You were diagnosed with a gluten sensitivity, then ADHD and anxiety and depression. We’ve had an uphill battle for a while. Some days, I muttered under my breath wondering whether I would survive the unknowns we face.

And then, we have a good moment or a good day, and my hope is restored and I catch a glimpse of who you might be when things start making more sense. I see your undiluted sweetness and your desire to make people around you happy. You crave laughter, and are triumphant when you make people crack up. You are a living, breathing oxymoron: seriously silly! I’ve always suspected you will be voted Class Clown in high school.

This year’s growth has been fun to watch. Just the other night when I was brushing your teeth, I saw your six-year molars poking through. You ran through the house showing everyone, calling them your “motors.” A day later, you kept asking to see them again. This past year has also been a huge milestone in your learning abilities: you can READ! Every time you grab a book and plop yourself down to read, my heart does a cartwheel because you are so stinkin’ smart. I also love reading the work you bring home from school, and the ways you have navigated writing and spelling. There’s nothing better than a story written by a Kindergartener!

And last week, you hit another creative milestone: you wrote your own music. Daddy set up the electric piano for you, and you sat in front of it and played keys and wrote down the notes in order. It looks like gibberish, but it is actually a musical composition. Wow! You love music, especially singing it out loud in the car. When Katie rehearses for leading worship at church, you practice right alongside her and your energy is astounding.

This year we also started some sports activities. You had a taste of karate in the fall, and then started gymnastics at the beginning of the calendar year. It’s been fun to watch your confidence grow and your appetite for trying new things.

You are growing and changing every day, sweet boy. Laughing, fussing, learning, singing, and loving with your whole heart. There is no doubt in my mind how much you love your family: me, Daddy, and Katie. I love being the object of your love, and hope you feel how much I adore you in return. We have so much in store for us this coming year, and I can’t wait to see you get wet as you dive in and experience it all.

I love you!

Mommy

Easter Centerpiece

I saw this beautiful photo on Pinterest and showed it to Katie. [Unfortunately, I can’t find a link to the original source. If someone knows, feel free to comment and I’ll link to it!]

I asked her if she wanted to recreate it with me, and she said yes! We spent a Sunday after work at Michaels and picked out some moss and terra cotta pieces to use. We found some white rocks in Katie’s rock collection, and also at Leftovers. We borrowed the rest from a neighbor’s landscaping (with permission!).

Katie dug up some dirt from the yard, and Jackson collected twigs for the crosses. We started by putting dirt in the shallow dish and embedded the small terra cotta pot sideways in it.

I mounded the dirt up around it as best as I could, and then put moss on top. I pushed some rocks in place while Katie was busy clipping the twigs so they were the right size for the crosses. I wrapped twine around the twigs, and we pushed them into the moss. The finishing touch was finding a big, round rock to place in front of the empty “tomb.” Here’s how ours turned out:

We had enough supplies to make two, so we made a small one and a larger one. I love the way they look, and I’m excited to display one of them throughout Holy Week on our kitchen table. I think I’ll take the other to work with me.

Show Up Randomly

This post was originally written for a blog my church publishes for our volunteers. The blog helps the volunteers as they learn how to be leaders in different areas of their lives, especially with the kids they serve in our ministry.

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines random as “a haphazard course” and also “without definite aim, direction, rule, or method.”

When the authors of Lead Small talk about showing up randomly in our small group members’ lives, I don’t think they mean to do it without aim or direction. Maybe my administrative assistant glasses are too thick, but I can’t imagine showing up without direction. I mean, how would you ever get someplace? You’d be making wrong turns all day long!

I think showing up randomly means YOU have intention and premeditation. The random part comes when THEY don’t expect it.

You are in relationship with those in your small group. You know a little bit about their families and who is in them. You know if they tend to run late because they are compromising with their children over what clothes to wear to church. You know if one of the children you lead has a pet that just died. You know their ages and stations in life.

But, honestly? You don’t need to know anything about a person to show up randomly in his life. You can show a random act of kindness to a stranger in the drive-thru line at McDonald’s as easily as you can show kindness to your mother when she needs yard work done at her house. The random part comes as a result of who YOU are, not who the recipient is.

Who you are is built upon the foundation God has poured in your life. When you invite Him in and allow Him to love you, your life will be changed. When you mess up and feel ashamed, and then the realization hits that He doesn’t withhold His love no matter how badly you messed up, it unearths something unbelievable in your heart: grace. And when you experience that undeserved grace, it starts seeping out into the rest of your life. You offer it to others, whether they deserve it or not. You start showing up in random ways, because that’s how God shows up in your life. It’s an extension of who He is, not who you are. Because you’ve been loved so extravagantly by Him, you can love others the exact same way.

My favorite scripture is the Message translation of Philippians 4:13 which says, “Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.”

He makes you who you are. Open your eyes to see the random ways He loves you, and then open your hands to love on someone else.

Be Present

This post was originally written for a blog my church publishes for our volunteers. The blog helps the volunteers as they learn how to be leaders in different areas of their lives, especially with the kids they serve in our ministry.

I have a handwritten Post-It note on my desk at home that says, “What your kids really want is YOU.” I put it there six years ago, when Katie was about three years old. I was getting caught up in the culture of “buy more and go bigger.” I mistakenly thought I should show my love to my child by giving her everything she wanted. What I quickly realized is giving her everything she wanted left me broke! And it just left her wanting more. There would never be enough STUFF to fill the desires of her heart.

I was reading a parenting book and came across that quote, “What your kids really want is YOU.” It hit me upside the head and reminded me Katie wanted to be with me, not a fuzzy-headed dolly. She wanted me to read books to her, not plop her in front of the television. She wanted a walk around our neighborhood, not isolated playtime in the basement. She needed a sit-down-home-cooked-meal kind of love, not a drive-through-speed-by-never-slow-down parent. She needed me to be present in her life.

This past Sunday in Team Time, we talked about being present in the teams we serve on at The Crossing. It means showing up: predictably, mentally, and randomly. What does being present look like? You give your word and you stand by it. You don’t cancel unless there’s an emergency. You commit and sometimes you make a sacrifice to see that commitment through. When you show up, you engage in conversation. You look people in the eyes when they are talking. You smile and you listen. In short: you treat others the way you want to be treated!

Love consistently, interact often, and give lavishly, because the bottom line is this: what your kids really want is YOU. The same thing applies to your significant other, your boss, your siblings, your parents, your best friend, and God too. They all want your presence, not a fuzzy-headed dolly to play with. Not a drive-through meal. Be present and show your heart to others. Engage and enjoy!

Bedtime Thoughts

Each night as I get ready for bed, I have an avalanche of thoughts that tumble through my head. Last night, I started writing them down and chuckling at how random my brain can be. I’m not the only one, right?

• Is agreeance a word?
• Why does my eye twitch so much now?
• Just know you’re not alone, ‘cause I’m gonna make this place your home. Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-ooo-ooo… (Phillip Phillips song on repeat in my head.)
• Betty White was a beard for Liberace. How did “beard” ever come to be used?
• Ow. That ripped cuticle hurts.
• How does Dan fall asleep faster than I can even brush my teeth?
• …‘cause I’m gonna make this place your home. Oo-oo-oo…
• The Biggest Loser
• Walking Dead
• Duck Dynasty
• I should paint my nails.
• Where is my lotion?
• Itchy back. Why does the same spot itch every.single.night?
• I should write this stuff down.
• I haven’t blogged in so long!
• Does anyone read it anyway?
• No one reads it.
• Mmmmm… electric blankets.
• My sister will be here soon!
• I should go to sleep. Or at least read.
• Stop. Making. A. List.
• NOW.

February 2013 Review

February was the month of snow for us this season. Nothing beats the beauty of snow falling in the night while you watch from your window as the streetlights reflect off the snow.

Fun times for the kids in the snow.

Jackson has beautiful eyelashes. (I promise I didn’t put a flake on his lashes for this photo. It was just there!)

Ants finally arrived for the ant farm Jackson got for Christmas. I have been fascinated watching them work and dig tunnels. I’m amazed at God’s creation every single day.

I also captured lots of God’s creation from my living room window. This was the homemade card I made for Dan’s Valentine this year. I included a line from the song “All I Ask of You” that was sung at our wedding.

My friends asked me to do a photo shoot for their sweet boy, Levi. He  makes me melt!

And I can’t pick just one photo, so here’s another favorite.

One Sunday as I was leaving work, I stopped to talk to my boss for a moment. Jackson went over to a white board and starting writing math problems AND working them out on his own. I was so proud of his new abilities!

And my prodigy of a daughter has gotten SO good at playing the recorder that she has turned it into a nose flute of sorts. I’ll repeat my above sentiments: I was so proud of her abilities! (Tee hee. She makes me laugh.)

One of my goals for this year is to read more books. Because of Jackson’s diagnosis, February was spent reading non-fiction – including this book that was an eye-opener for me.

Speaking of reading, Jackson is becoming more and more proficient in his ability to read. I am amazed at how he picks up on words, and how I can literally see his brain processing as he sounds out new words.

More snow came, and the kids missed two days of school in a row. It was the week of President’s Day, so there were only 2 days of school that week. Cabin fever led us to a fun project: turning the hall closet into a permanent fort. We call it the Kindness Closet because I told the kids they need to be kind to each other inside it. We hung Christmas lights inside so they can read with the door closed. I confess I’ve done a bit of reading in there myself.

One evening, Dan got an impulse to dig out his box of Boy Scout memorabilia and show it to the kids. The three of them took immense joy in going through all the tools, patches, badges, and awards Dan earned. Jackson was most excited to find a whistle in the box. I gave him permission to blow it ONE TIME.

And another day of snow means another chance to get some snowflake photos. I could do this for hours at a time, if it weren’t so darn cold! You can see the reflection of my camera in this photo, which is straight out of the camera with no edits. I kind of like it this way.

We have a weekly tradition of going out to dinner with friends after church on Saturday nights, and Jackson is especially thrilled when our 16-year-old friend brings her boyfriend. Jackson adores this guy. Can you tell? We all kind of adore him, but I refuse to say it out loud in front of the poor kid, because he’s already been adored-upon by his girlfriend’s mother. I’m trying not to add extra sugar to the syrup.

Lastly, February was the start of a class at church that turned my memories upside down. This class is called Storyline, and it gave me perspective on my life and how God has orchestrated so many details to work for His purpose. I was undone and felt such deep love from my Father. Most of my homework sessions were spent with this binder, lots of notebook paper for writing notes, and a box of tissues. I did a lot of writing throughout class, and I’m hoping to share some here at another time. I am eternally grateful to the leaders of my church for writing this class curriculum so I could hear God speaking to me through it.

A Modern Psalm

I’m reading a Bible study called Coffee with the Savior by Kristen Myers. She is a friend of mine, and gave me a copy of her book as a gift. The focus of the study is about turning to Jesus for friendship instead of fruitlessly searching for that one “perfect” human friend to satisfy my deep longings. Oh, that message is so timely in my life right now!

The book compares time with Jesus as if He were a friend you were meeting for coffee. You greet Him the way you would a girlfriend: with a welcoming hello, a hug, a compliment (“It’s so good to see you. You look great! Did you cut your hair?” [Sidebar: could you imagine asking Jesus that?! I’ll bet He would chuckle with me.]), followed by catching up on life, sharing any heartaches or joys, and finishing with a promise to meet again – tomorrow, next week, when?

I’m in chapter three right now, which – in simplistic terms – would be the “compliment” stage. Kristen writes about how we can spend time praising Jesus (and how He does that for us too), and there are Psalm references that demonstrate what that looks like. Kristen asks the reader to write these praises in his/her own words. I wrote my verses as if Jesus had come over to have coffee in my living room, but they quickly evolved into a thank you note I might write to Him after our visit:

Hello, Jesus! It is so good to see you. I love when you visit with me and we can hang out. I always feel better when I’m with you. You listen to me and care for me. You encourage me and tell me how loved I am. Thank you for the gifts you lavish on me: the sunshine you just poured through my window, the quiet in my house, the sweet memories of holding my kids this morning, the breeze rustling my trees in the yard, the warm scent of Dan’s hugs. You always know just what I need. I feel so blessed to be your friend!

Sometimes, I wonder what it must have felt like for the Bible’s authors as they were writing the letters, poems, and first-person accounts that make up our holy scriptures. Since the words were inspired by the Holy Spirit, did the authors feel a certain one-ness as they were writing? Personally, I love writing and can get into a groove – some call it “flow” – when I’m writing. There are times that phrases (praises!) and words just fall out of my head, and I have no idea where they were rooted deep inside me. Don’t get me wrong: I am not comparing my writing to the Scriptures! But I am wondering how it felt for them to feel so deeply intertwined with the Author Himself. My silly “psalm” that I wrote this morning is really just a bit of gibberish, but I felt closer to my Friend when I wrote to Him. Can you imagine how much greater that feels when you’re writing in tandem with Him? Holy, inspired, and knowing without a doubt that He is using you for His purpose in reaching a thousand lifetimes yet to come.

Have you ever written a psalm of praise? Try it, and talk to Him as if you were leaving a comment on His heavenly blog. Wouldn’t it be awesome if we gave Him as much time as we give to our Google Readers? (That’s a rhetorical question, y’all. Something I am directing at my own wandering heart!)

Happy writing!

My Birthday Surprises

This post will be light(er) on words and heavy on photos. I had SUCH a great birthday this year! It started with flowers from Dan.

And donuts at breakfast (which caused tears for the kids, because Daddy said they were only for Mommy).

Breakfast cake from my coworkers, who celebrated with singing.

After work, the family went to see Jackson’s new counselor and received his diagnosis (that was the sad part of the birthday). Afterwards, Dan took us out to dinner at Outback (did you know they have a gluten free menu?) and home for cake. My sister Skyped to say happy birthday, and that’s when Dan gave me my big birthday surprise: tickets to fly to North Carolina and see my sister! I asked what we would be doing so I could pack accordingly, and she wouldn’t tell me. Fine by me! So the next day once I was finished with work, Dan drove me to the airport and dropped me off. I only knew where I was going (North Carolina) and who was picking me up (my sister).

My flights were delayed, but I didn’t care because I had time to read and chill out alone in the airport. (Pure bliss for a mom of young ‘uns!) I arrived in NC and was so very happy to see Mary. We drove to her house and went to bed. My only instructions were to be ready to leave the house at 9:15 the next morning. I was and we did. She drove me to one of the nicest spas I’ve ever been to: the Spa at Pinehurst.

We were spoiled with private hour-long baths, hour-long massages, lunch by the pool (with chocolate-covered strawberries), and an hour-long facial. (My breath slowed and my eyes closed in peace simply at the mention of that memory again!) It was all splendid, but my favorite part was sitting in a fluffy robe in a chaise lounge and talking with my sister throughout the day. My spirit was refreshed and so so so happy!

We were complete noodles after the pampering, and went home to Mary’s house to relax on her couch. I love her house because it’s on a tiny lake. I really enjoy sitting on the couch and looking out the window at the lake and scenery… which is what we did when we got home. Mary fell asleep beside me, and I sat with her sweet puppy on my lap and watched the ripples on the lake. Serene and perfect!

To make it even better (because my camera makes everything better, you know!), I got out my camera and took photos of the puppy (Jack) curled on my lap. Awww…

And then photos of the lake…

And while I’m showing the scenery, I gotta share this picture of the pine trees my sister hates (and I adore) that surround every street in her town. Being in the middle of these trees makes me feel such awe and peace.

So, back to the sitting on the couch part. We are being couch potatoes and I’m looking out the window at the pretty lake when out of the blue, my favorite Aunt Lucy starts walking up my sister’s steps. I did a double take and my jaw fell open, and then I ran to hug her with tears in my eyes! My second surprise of the day had arrived. I was so very happy to see more of my family. Lucy joined us on the couch and we talked and talked and visited. After a while the dogs started barking. My sister stood up and I stood up, and I saw a car on the driveway (that wasn’t my niece’s). I asked who was here, and Mary just shrugged. I stared and then it hit me: my favorite cousin Catherine had come! I ran down the steps and screamed the whole way, and hugged Catherine. Whew! How happy I was to be with even MORE of my family! Catherine brought margaritas for us to enjoy while we gabbed and got ready for a special dinner out.

Mary took us to this incredible little restaurant called Elliotts on Linden, where we had some of the freshest and tastiest food. Appetizers were a crab and corn fritter and seared scallops. My entrée was the grain finished filet (yum!) and everyone else had the salmon special (also yum!). For dessert, we literally ordered one of everything. There was a mini chocolate mouse birthday cake, molten lava chocolate chili cake (with salted caramel gelato! Yes!), cheese cake, plus this amazing little pear and apple tart thingy. I thought that tart thingy would be my least favorite, but it was to-die-for good and turned out to be my favorite. We were so stuffed, we didn’t even finish all the desserts. (I don’t think that’s EVER happened to me.)

The meal was awesome, but the people I was with made it stellar. I could have been at Burger King and still had a fantastic meal because I was with these ladies.

Afterwards, we went home and stayed up talking even longer, then hit the hay for the night. The next morning I got to sleep in a bit and we ate my sister’s breakfast casserole. The only thing I knew about the plans for the day was I was flying home late that afternoon, and I should be ready to leave for lunch at noon. When the time came, we all piled in to cars (with my luggage too, darn) and ended up at this restaurant called the Pik N Pig. It’s very near the tiny town where another of my favorite aunts lives, so when we pulled into the parking lot I asked, “Is there a Prius in the lot?” (She drives a Prius.) My sister knew I figured out the last surprise. We had lunch with my aunts, my cousin, my sister, my nieces, and my niece’s friend. Oh, joy! Lunch ended way too soon, and we had one group photo in the parking lot (which is beside an air strip) before saying goodbye.

My sister drove me to the airport and said goodbye. I didn’t even cry. Well, that’s not true. My eyes got wet, but nothing spilled over! I settled in and read while waiting for my flight, and filled my heart a little more by taking photos while on the plane. I had a layover in my hometown of Atlanta, GA… so the photos of Atlanta from my airplane brought me more joy.

I arrived back home that night, happy to be there but also wishing I lived closer to North Carolina. I’m so grateful that Dan and Mary gave me a soul-filling birthday gift. I have missed my extended family so much this past year, and hated being far apart from them. Seeing some of them for my birthday made the ache a little less dull, and helped refuel me until the next time we gather.

There’s only one problem: how will Dan ever be able to top this birthday gift?! (A note to my honey: please don’t even try! This was beyond wonderful, and a gift that will be cherished as long as I live. Thank you!)

A Page from My Journal

I wrote this on my plane ride home from North Carolina, trying to process a few days’ worth of a wide range of emotions. Forgive some of the terse grammar (Yes, I realize I’m missing a few pronouns), but this is how I worked out my emotions in my journal. This is how I felt that day, and still do to some extent. Every day is better, but also presents its own new challenges. That’s what life is all about, right? Each day is an adventure! Some more so than others, thankfully.

Jackson diagnosed with ADHD plus depression and anxiety. On my birthday! I expected the ADHD, but not the anxiety and depression. It makes me sad to think he is carrying so much at age five. Too soon. Too early. Too much. That night, I got my birthday gift from Dan: tickets to see my sister in North Carolina. Oh joy! And such sadness, all in the same day. I went to bed overwhelmed with conflicting emotions. The next morning, got kids on school bus and sat in my kitchen and wrote this prayer:

I don’t want anyone to say “It’s gonna be okay” and “It’s not that bad” or “It could be worse.” I want them to say, “It sucks. I’m sorry.” And to sit with me in it for just a little bit, and then we’ll brush ourselves off and continue to live in the Not Yet.

Drove to work. Sat at my desk and finally took my first moments to read Jackson’s evaluation from the counselor. Started crying at my desk. My kind coworkers asked if I was okay, and I said no, but I wasn’t ready to talk yet. Finally, they were all in the office for a weekly meeting and I hijacked the meeting to tell eight of them the news. I said I know in the grand scheme of life, it isn’t a big deal (and may even be a blessing). Yes, I know it could be worse. And then I started crying because it’s my baby this is happening to. They held their tongues. They held my hand. They held my shoulders, and they let me cry. And when I could breathe again, two people in the room said they have had the exact same diagnoses. And I felt my burden shared – not lifted and not easier – but colored with more hope than worry. These eight people drew in close, laid their hands on me, and prayed out loud for me, my son, my husband and daughter, our doctors, our faith, our future, and the regrets we don’t even have yet but we know are unavoidable. They prayed for guidance and that God would help them help me. Oh, Jesus – I felt such love!

Each proceeding minute that day was incrementally filled with a little more hope and a little more joy. I shared my story two more times with two more coworkers before leaving work, and got more encouragement.

I have a church and a job that encourages me. I have one of my best friends whose career is helping kids like my son, and who has been beside me each step of this so far – sending me recommendations for doctors, diets, and research. I have a sister who is a teacher (and my parental surrogate) and knows how to advocate for my son and teaches me how to do so. I have a husband who cries with me and carries the burdens along with me, and knows me better than I know myself. I have a daughter who is amazingly kind and generous and a defender of her little brother. And him? He’s a joy, and a challenge at the same time. He has changed my life and will continue to do so.

I don’t know in what ways our lives will change in the coming year, and I’m sure it will be full of highs and lows, adjustments and lessons. I’ll be bombarded with well-meaning advice, and overwhelmed by the sheer volume of all the information I’ll be learning. But today, I have hope: we have a diagnosis. I am thankful for that, because it means we have resources and options.

January 2013 Review

January started with a big surprise party for my neighbor. Since I don’t know a lot of her friends and family, I became an observer and photographer of the party. It made me so happy to sit back and watch her enjoy the people who came to surprise her and shower her with love. This photo captured the moment she realized her son had flown in town from North Carolina to surprise her. As she was going in for a hug, her eye caught the presence of her daughter, who had flown in from Florida. Such exuberant joy! (And this photo is just another reason why I love photography!)

Dan’s cousin, Craig, got married in mid-January in Belize. Before the big beach wedding, the couple had a pre-wedding reception. It was in a beautiful and funky art gallery I have never even heard of. (But wish I had! It’s called the Randall Gallery.) There was great food and lots of dancing, including Gangnam Style. Sheesh!

This winter’s weather has been all over the place: really cold and really warm. On one of those warm days, Jackson and I went to the zoo for the first time since the new sea lion exhibit was built. It was a nice, unplanned Mommy-Son day. Katie and Dan were serving on our church Outreach team that day and had their own Daddy-Daughter day.

Another big deal for January: Jackson’s reading skills have dramatically improved. This was the first (long) book he’s ever read completely on his own. I don’t have a photo of it, only a video. Womp, womp.

One Saturday morning, I was at the kitchen table eating breakfast and saw a hawk land on our tree house. He sat on the rail for almost an hour, devouring a bird he caught. I took photos of him the entire time. Gross, yes… but amazing too. (Can’t you just hear The Lion King song playing? “In the circle of life…”)

My birthday comes at the end of January. On the Sunday closest to my birthday, my boss had all of our ministry volunteers celebrate by bringing me sweet cards and showering me with hugs. There was a homemade cake and silly princess tiaras for us to wear. But the most memorable part of the day for me was when the power went out between our 9am and 11am services. We ended up canceling the 11am worship service, which was a bummer. But on the bright side? I got a half day off work. Here’s a (bad iPhone) photo of people waiting in the lobby with the power out.

I’ve been learning and reading a lot about sensory defensiveness and ADHD lately (because of Jackson’s diagnosis), and came across an inexpensive running trampoline. I decided to buy it and give the kids a spot to work out energy inside the house. They love bouncing on it. On a side note, we also started the kids in gymnastics because our karate dojo closed. Katie has been in gymnastics since first grade but we took a break for fall of last year, and she picked it back up very quickly. Jackson is loving his new gymnastics class, and it gives him so much happiness to know he has his own class to go to and his own buddies in class.

Remember that crazy weather I talked about? January 29th was so warm that four kids at our bus stop wore shorts/capris to school. (Two pair of shorts/capris are blocked in this photo.)

And then? January ended with my birthday. I’ll have to write an entire separate post for that, because it was epically fantastic. Stay tuned!

Danuary 2013

One of my favorite months is coming to a close. What’s that you ask? My favorite month? Oh… it’s DANuary! My annual month-long anniversary gift to my fantastic husband is to turn the month of January (the month following our December anniversary) into a time when he feels honored and loved. You can read about 2011 here and 2012 here.

This year, I wasn’t sure what to give him. Last year’s Night Light book reading didn’t go quite as I’d planned, and I think the Jesus Calling recordings were a little too low-tech. I pondered and prayed, and decided to work with the kids on making this year’s Danuary gift.

I figured out how to record an audio file on my laptop and then burn those files to a CD. I started searching my files for items to record. I found inspiring stories, favorite scriptures, a recording of his ultimate favorite worship moment at church, the audio from our favorite part of The Incredibles movie, and a few other surprises and started working on laying down the audio tracks. I also interviewed the kids (separately), had them perform a special “talent” (Katie played her recorder and Jackson and I told jokes to each other), and recorded Jackson singing and Katie reading a special book to him. I found an old letter Dan wrote me from our dating years, and read that for him along with a poem he wrote me back in the day. I recorded a favorite devotion for him, and even two things I wrote myself. I think my favorite of all 31 tracks is the one where Jackson sings “Take Me Out to the Ballgame.” It so perfectly captures his silly personality. One day, I will be so thankful I recorded my kids’ voices when they were little.

I gave Dan the CD when we had our celebration dinner, and he listened to it each morning on his way to work. This year’s Danuary gift isn’t as extravagant as those in year’s past, but I think it helped remind Dan each day how special he is to our family. I love you, sugar!

The Best Birthday Gift

Twenty years ago, right at the very minute I’m publishing this post, I was given the most wonderful birthday gift I’ve ever received. It was more than a gift; it was an offering.

I was at a fraternity party with this new guy I’d been dating. About a week earlier in a moment of spontaneous infatuation, I had told this boy I loved him. It was entirely premature and unplanned, and as the words escaped my mouth I realized putting my heart on the line like that was a stupid thing to do. My heart plummeted to my stomach when he didn’t respond to my declaration of love. “Oh well,” I thought to myself. “It’s out there now. Nothing I can do about it. Either he takes my love and holds on to it, or I may never see him again.”

The next day, I saw him again. And the next and the next. He didn’t run! We quickly became inseparable. Love didn’t come up again, but he knew how I felt. My birthday weekend approached, and my parents ambushed me with a surprise visit to college in celebration of my birthday. This boy was put through a trial by fire: impressing the parents of his new girlfriend, meeting the girlfriend’s best friend from high school, and the awkwardness of a birthday without any present to give (because we had just started dating, and what would you give a new girlfriend anyway?).

The last night of my 18th year, my visiting high school friend and I went to a fraternity party with this new boyfriend of mine. As midnight approached, we were hanging out and dancing in a dim room. There was a clock on the wall, and I remember counting down the minutes with this boy. When midnight hit, he told me he had a present for me. Since I love presents, I eagerly asked, “What is it?!” He looked me square in the eyes and said, “I love you.” I’m pretty sure my face registered surprise as I replied, “You DO?!” He smiled and said, “Yes, I do,” and then he kissed me. This time, my heart turned cartwheels in my chest instead of plummeting to my stomach as I responded, “I love you, too!” Then I danced a little jig and ran down the hall of the fraternity house saying, “He loves me!” before I returned back to him.

This boy taught me volumes about love in that one moment, because he showed me what honest love is. It isn’t a knee-jerk response to someone’s awkward declaration, and it isn’t an obligation. Love is an offering you give only when you are darn good and ready. By waiting to tell me he loved me and NOT professing it simply because I professed mine, he showed me that the depth of his character was stocked with commitment, patience, honor, and honesty. Even though I had to wait a little while for those three words, the weight they carried showed me this boy was a man after my very heart.

12:01am on January 30, 1993 was just the start of a life-changing love. That boy is now my man. He’s my husband, my lover, my confidante, and my best friend. For twenty years, he has continually offered his heart to me and blessed me with intimate love I never knew existed before he came into my life. I am utterly and hopelessly in love with him, and forever grateful to my Father for bringing Dan into my life.

The Worst Christmas Song EVER

I was reading my tablet version of Entertainment Weekly, and came across this letter to the editor in the January 11 edition:

It says, “Your holiday playlist was missing the saddest Christmas song ever: ‘The Cat Carol’ by Meryn Cadell. I dare anyone to listen to this and not crawl under the tree and lie in a fetal position.”

So I jotted down the name of the song and this past Sunday, had a chance to Google it. I found this video on YouTube and I proceeded to watch it. My kids love any type of video when I watch it on my laptop, so they came running when they heard the music playing. So before I got a chance to screen it for them, they watched it. Uh oh. Go check it out yourself. I’ll wait ‘til you’re done. (And while you’re there, check out the comments below the video. My favorite is: Every year I find new cat loving victims to listen to this song and watch them break down. LOVE IT!!!!! It’s one of my favorite holiday activities.)

My kids listened to it and said, “Awww, the cat died?! Why? What happened? That’s so sad!” The entire time, I was swallowing great gulps of laughter and hiding my face in my scarf. And when the line came about the cat constellation? I think I snorted and choked at the same time, all underneath the scarf again. I mean, seriously. Someone called that the saddest Christmas song ever?! I think it’s the something-est song ever, but definitely not the saddest. The nicest thing I can say is I finally found something to replace the horrid “Christmas Shoes” songs at the top of the Worst Christmas Song list.

In case you’d like a copy of the lyrics for your own pleasure, here they are:

The cat wanted in to the warm, warm house
But no one would let the cat in.
It was cold outside on Christmas Eve,
She meowed and meowed by the door.
The cat was not let in to the warm, warm house
And her tiny cries were ignored.
’Twas a blizzard now, the worst of the year.
There was no place for her to hide.
Just then a poor little mouse crept by,
He had lost his way in the snow.
He was on his last legs and was almost froze,
The cat lifted him with her paw.
She said “Poor mouse do not be afraid,
because this is Christmas Eve.
On this freezing night we both need a friend,
I won’t hurt you. Stay by my side.”
She dug a small hole in an icy drift,
This is where they would spent the night.
She curled herself  ‘round her helpless friend,
Protecting him from the cold.
Oooooo
When Santa came by near the end of the night
The reindeer started to cry.
They found the cat lying there in the snow
And they could see that she had died.
They lifted her up from the frozen ground
And placed her into the sleigh.
It was then they saw the little mouse wrapped up,
She had kept him warm in her fur.
“Oh thank you Santa for finding us!
Dear cat wake up we are saved!”
...“I’m sorry mouse but your friend has died,
There’s nothing more we can do.
On Christmas Eve she gave you her life,
the greatest gift of them all.”
Santa lifted her up into the night sky
And laid her to rest among the stars.
“Dear mouse don’t cry you are not alone,
You will see your friend every year.
Each Christmas a cat constellation will shine,
to remind us that her love’s still here.”
Oooooooo