The end of 2011 brought lots of self doubt to my mind. November was the month I applied for a job – the first time I have done that since 2003. It was also the month of my foot surgery, which threw me for a loop physically. I became much more dependent on people than I normally am, and it forced me to slow down through the month of December. I also had interviews for the job I applied for, and Satan used my self-doubt to speak some really loud and ugly lies into my head. It’s almost February and I am still trying to get him to JUST. SHUT. UP.
January is my birth month, so I decided to go back to the basics and counterattack Satan’s insidious ways. I wanted to spend my birth month with the focus on who God says I am, not the lies Satan whispers in my head. I scoured my Bible for all the truths God has spoken to His beloved for millennia. I spent each day of January with one truth in mind. I updated my Facebook status with that truth. I also texted it to a group of people I’m blessed to encourage.
Finally, I used those Scriptures to create word art so I never forget who God says I am.
As I fell asleep last night, on my 38th birthday, I was hanging on the edge of anxiety again. Desperately, I started calling out truths in my head, and the anxiety subsided. It doesn’t happen easily; I had to *literally* force myself to turn away from the lies and focus on these words. Satan’s lies are powerful, but God’s truth is even stronger.
My prayer is this: on the days when you feel unlovable and ugly and you doubt why anyone would want you… those days when you feel like a failure as a mom or a wife… the days when you can’t get your finances in order and your checkbook just won’t balance… the days when your past slinks up beside you and reminds you of people who have hated you or laughed at you… the days when your friends have stopped calling or are too busy to notice you… the days when someone does something horrible to you and takes advantage of you… or the nights when you can’t sleep because you don’t know what tomorrow brings and you’re afraid of really screwing up…
On those days? Come back to these truths. Read them out loud if you have to, no matter how silly you feel doing so. Remind yourself that your worth does NOT lie in your friends or your finances or your marriage or your past. You are worthy of being loved just because of His love for you. Above all else, you are His. Never forget.