Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Doubting Myself

Fantastic news (that I can’t yet share publicly) has brought incredible joy AND FEAR to the last 24 hours. I am so very afraid, and full of doubts about myself and my abilities to perform and be valuable. I could hardly fall asleep last night, trying to work through the logistics in my head. Today, I have spent literally every other minute questioning and wondering and doubting some more.

I am in a constant fight to STOP listening to the voice in my head. Notice I said “stop listening,” not silence. There’s a reason why: I know that voice isn’t going to shut up anytime soon. Call it insecurity or Satan (aren’t they one in the same anyway?), but it’s on continual replay. My job – and my prayer – is to stop listening to it and turn my attention on the One who makes me who I am.

Jesus. I am calling on Him today, saying his name out loud and asking for His protection. And I know for a fact He hears me.

At the breakfast table, I picked up the Our Daily Bread devotional booklet and the day’s reading is about what kind of skill set we bring to the jobs in our lives. This quote was written specifically for me, specifically for TODAY: “If God has something He wants to accomplish and that you feel He is calling you to do, He will provide what you need to complete the task.” (Cindy Hess Kasper)

Trust that, Elizabeth. Know that He is providing for you even when you think you’re at a dead end. You are more than enough, child, because you don’t accomplish anything on your own. When you fall short, He makes the payment for you. Always, ALWAYS. Rejoice in that, rejoice in new beginnings, and trust His will for your life.

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