2016: The Year of Quitting

It's the last day of 2016. It's been a hard year locally, nationally, and globally. It's also been a hard year for me personally: in parenting, in marriage, in personal struggles, and in painful grief. There were *some* good moments this year, and I'm tenaciously clinging to them so I don't throw out the entire year.

I started this blog post with a plan to rehash all the bad so I could also note the good and attempt to find praise in the pain. But I really don't want to drag myself back to January by way of fall then summer then spring, and I'm sure you don't want to go on that ride either.

I do want to view 2016 from a bird's eye rise-above-it perspective, so I am looking at the year with a focus on progress. More specifically, progress through quitting. In no special order, here are the things I quit in 2016 - some good and some bad.

*I quit saying yes to all proposals to hustle.
*I quit Christmas cards. (I may send Happy New Year cards instead, but I quit deciding that until next year.)
*I quit sending immediate text responses, opting to pause at least a few moments before most replies.
*I quit underselling myself and raised my photo session rates.
*I quit trying to please church leaders.
*I quit big holiday decorations and went with the minimal.
*I quit worrying about the cost of traveling and said yes to being with family when their milestone events called for a visit.
*I quit letting fear dictate and finally launched my website (www.HisEchoes.com) where I'm posting devotions weekly and housing my photography portfolio.
*I quit worrying what people would think if they read my personal blog (www.sixgoldencoins.blogspot.com) and went public with it. [And it hasn't killed me... yet!]
*I quit nursing a cut from an old friend when loss stung deeper than the cut.
*I quit wondering WHAT IF about that tattoo and finally got it!
*I quit sitting in pain and fought for my marriage.
*I quit being a stand off and showed up for people I love even when their beliefs were a contrast to all my regimental Pharisee rules.
*I quit wondering what anyone else but Jesus would say when I spoke at my friends' wedding.
*I quit sitting on the sidelines and said yes to skin in the game.
*I took the bite out of a specific insult and turned it into a compliment, letting my raging mercy flag fly.
*I quit waiting to be invited and decided to do the inviting instead, forming a book study group of women who challenged me to Live Loved.
*I quit making excuses for a small group commitment and said yes to a Two/42 group with friends.
*I quit expecting forgiveness to appear magically and began the hard work of repairing wounds and getting help by starting counseling again.

And tomorrow, the first day of 2017, I am quitting one more thing: Facebook. I can't fully withdraw from it because of business usage, so I'm limiting it to one day a week. As much as I love the connections I make there and the opportunities it's given me (our annual pillow fight day or caroling for a cancer patient or making a friend in the airport), the Facebook negativity isn't worth those connections right now.

As best I can, I'm quitting the negative Republican/Democrat political posts. I'm quitting the hustle of more more MORE from acquaintances who want me to buy/sell/launch/promote in a type of relationship that isn't truly relating. I'm quitting the lie that I need a platform to become a writer, instead opting for a couch where I can become a friend.

I'm ready for the fresh and simple hope and encouragement that 2017 *might* bring. Of course, it might also bring pain and loss and fear again. If so, at least I know I can survive it. I've made it through 1993, 1996, 2004, 2005, 2013, and now - blessedly - 2016.

Happy new year (and happy quitting!) to all of you!

via Glennon Doyle Melton

GOOD PEOPLE

If anything makes me want to run away to another country today, it isn’t the newly elected leaders: it’s the rest of you nincompoops who are acting like Chicken Little! But I’m not going to run, and I’m not going to freak out. I’m standing firmly rooted in truth.

I choose to cling to the basic truth I know about the world: PEOPLE ARE GOOD. And to reinforce that fact, I decided to spend the morning actively seeking out reminders of goodness.

I’m started by looking at my friend Sean’s Facebook wall. He’s been gone for 7 weeks now, and I’ve watched GOOD PEOPLE write letters to him and his family. I’ve listened to countless YouTube music videos people have posted to remember good times with their great friend.

Next, I moved on to the stories I know from authors like Bob Goff. This man has founded a movement of GOOD PEOPLE who are committed to love in action. I’m remembering stories I’ve read about Bob Goff’s whimsical view of the world, and the way he’s loved in the face of hate and recklessly given of himself when giving just didn’t make sense on the balance sheet.

Then I thought of another author I love, Glennon Doyle Melton. I read something she wrote yesterday, on election day: “WE BELONG TO EACH OTHER AND WE CAN DO HARD THINGS AND NO MATTER WHO WINS, LOVE WINS. We get to decide that. Let’s decide that. Let’s show up for each other. Let’s love. It’s the only thing that will heal us. And it's what will best define us this month.”

There's a phenomenon happening right now, this very day: an Election Recovery Party of sorts called Holiday Hands that Glennon is hosting through the TogetherRising website. I wasn’t quite sure what this is about until I started poking around the website.

It’s all GOOD PEOPLE, y’all!

But before you get all, "I don't have money to donate!" or "We already adopted a family for Christmas!" or blah, blah, blah... know that this event isn't simply about donating an "unwrapped gift in unisex sizes."

You need to click on the link, then click on "browse listings." It's like Craig's List for givers! You'll find people who are asking for help, ranging from people who want a letter saying they're worth loving to a family whose medical bills are capsizing them and they simply want a turkey dinner for the holidays.

You can write a letter, can't you? You can send a grocery gift card to a family, can't you?

Giving of yourself will always, always push the darkness aside.

Today, the day after one of the most painful elections, I’m hoping we can take the angst and energy we’re barfing on the Interwebs and direct it towards making a difference.

THIS is how we'll be "Better Together," y'all. THIS is how we'll "Make America Great Again." We'll do it one by one, human to human, without waiting for an elected official to show us how to give mercy and compassion.

Visit the Holiday Hands website, and spend some time reading through the requests and the responses. It will resuscitate your faith in GOOD PEOPLE and restore your hope in our future.

We can do hard things – heck, YOU can do hard things because you are a GOOD PEOPLE!

The End of the Early Years

When I first heard of my mom’s group, it was officially a chapter of the international MOMS Club. A woman at church named Marie told me about it when she noticed my large pregnant belly. She told me about this mom’s club she was in, and I just shrugged her off. I wasn’t the type to join clubs like that. Play dates weren’t my thing. Besides, it was my first pregnancy and I didn’t think I’d need a group of moms to help me through motherhood. Really; how hard could it be?!

And then Tuesday, June 17, 2003 happened. I became a mom. It started off pretty well, until I took her home four days later. The panic set in and hit full throttle the following Monday. I remember being in the pediatrician’s waiting room for our first checkup, and I looked up Marie’s phone number. I called her from the waiting room to ask about that mom’s club she mentioned. Two days later, I met the group for the first time at a local park play date.

From the moment I said hello to these women, I knew I had found a place where I would be accepted and encouraged. One woman could tell that I was shell-shocked and in the beginning throes of postpartum depression. She sought me out while the kids played (and I held my fussy baby), and gave me some of the best parenting advice I’ve ever received: It will get better.

I joined the group, and found kindred souls. My parents died when my first child turned one, and I lacked any direction for the hardcore parenting issues. The women in my mom’s group became my saving grace. We discussed every single aspect of parenting: discipline issues (Time Outs or not?), breastfeeding vs. formula feeding, how to get my daughter to sleep through the night, how to introduce new foods, how to adapt my marriage around a new focus, and so many other things. In the group, I found women who would give me a break from holding my infant (I felt like all I ever did was hold her in those early months!) and women who would call me after play dates to make sure I was doing okay because they sensed despair in my eyes earlier that morning. I met people who have different backgrounds than me and much different parenting styles, but we all had one thing in common: raising our babies the best way we knew how.

But mom’s group went beyond parenting: I found some of my best friends through the group, and encouraged my already-existing-friends to join the group so they could share in what I’d found too. I found exercise buddies who trained for (and completed!) half marathons with me.

My kids made friends they still play with.

I learned so much about the town we live in and what cool things are available to do. (Who knew you could tour the trash center?)

I’ve traveled to other states and visited some members who have moved away.

I’ve road-tripped to Kansas City to attend a parenting workshop, and to Chicago for IKEA shopping trips.

One member inspired then encouraged me to start writing a blog.

I learned how to cook new things I never would have tried. (I still make Megan’s Biscuits and Gravy Casserole and Brina’s Buffalo Chicken Dip!)Others outfitted my children with outgrown wardrobes. We’ve shared inspiring books through a now-defunct book club. And even though it isn’t a religious-based group, I can trace my salvation back to two women I met through this group.

The impact from saying yes to one little invitation is astounding.

One day, I looked around and realized I was one of the moms in the group who was welcoming other parents (we had dads by then too!), and checking on them after play dates when they had despair in their eyes. That was one of the best parts of my mom’s group: I got to pay the gift of encouragement forward, to a set of parents who were new to the gig and still blindly feeling their way around.

And now, my time is up. I’ve been in the group for nine years, and both my kids are school-age. The end of July marks the end of my membership, and the end of an incredibly challenging, rewarding, growth-inducing chapter of my life. It’s been so much more than a play date; it’s been a living, breathing part of my life for nine years. I’ve seen 134 members come and go (yep, I counted ‘em!), and each one of them left a mark on my soul.

To all of you who ever were or still are part of my mom’s group: thank you for all the ways you’ve been a part of my family’s life!

“So much of me is made of what I learned from you. You’ll be with me like a handprint on my heart. And now whatever way our stories end I know you have re-written mine by being my friend.” (from Wicked)

Aimee, Rachel, Amanda, Gretchen, Jennifer, Heidi, Julie, Jamie, Lynna, Jennifer, Michelle, Michelle, Jennifer, Elizabeth, Jessica, Melissa, Heather, Erin, Whitney, Shannon, Lauri, Alieceia, Rachelle, Carol, Mary Jane, Andrea, Christina, Stacy, Amy, Leslie, Kelley, Kristin, Danelle, Patricia, Dena, Carla, Jana, Angie, Andrea, Janine, Patricia, Alice, Tina, Reisha, Donne, Krista, Molly, Brina, Erin, Ginger, Nick, Christina, Jill, Chris, Emily, Heather, Lisa, Shannon, Amy, Judy, Rachel, Laura, Mary, Tiffani, Leigh, Brooke, Sarah, Michele, Sarah, Carrie, Crystal, Mandy, Stacey, Wendy, Lea, Tori, Jennifer, Donna, Hope, Olivia, Beth, Joe, Suzy, Angie, Paula, Cynthia, Kim, Kim, Lissa, Lyndi, Petrissa, Kim, Denise, Emily, Cristyn, Christy, Michelle, Becky, Rebecca, Jodie, Peggy, Megan, Holly, Harini, Susan, Angie, Kim, Miriam, Kathy, Monica, Mary, Tammy, Jessica, Helen, Danielle, Kerry, Jeanne, Kelly, Julia, Michelle, Marie, Tammy, Shannon, Karen, Teresa, Sharon, Cathy, Nikki, Jennifer, Brett, Jenn, Jennifer, Elizabeth, Kurt, Renae

13.1 Jitters

I’m sorry I haven’t posted in a week. My sister and two nieces just left Thursday night, and now I’m focused on one single, solitary thing that is happening tomorrow: my second half  marathon. I promise after all this chaos has settled down, I’ll post about the incredible two weeks I’ve had. But until then, I would love your prayers!

The Go St. Louis race is tomorrow morning. I feel very unprepared, because my last race in September was so different. I trained regularly and had three others walking with me during the race. This time, I’m going solo. The friends I was planning to walk with had scheduling conflicts, injuries, or decided to run instead of walk. (And you know I DON’T run. Yet.) So it’s just me, by my lonesome. I’m hoping my winning personality (ha!) will help me make a stranger into a friend tomorrow, and I’ll find someone to tag along with at the race. If not, there’s always my iPod.

Joe, my coach from the last race, suggested I work on an affirmation ritual. For his big races, Coach Joe writes an “I Am” list. I took his advice and did the same thing. I wrote a title down, “I am…” and then wrote a list of words that described the current me or the me I want to be in the very near future. Then from that list, I chose some words and used henna to write them on my arm.
I chose “yours” because above all else, I am God’s. I often repeat “I am Yours” to myself in prayer or in a song I love.

I chose “living water” and “thirsty” to remind me of the big reason I’m doing the race: to benefit Living Water International. Some people walk 3 hours EVERY DAY to get dirty drinking water. And I’m walking for FUN. I want to keep my focus on true sacrifice, not just Sunday morning 13.1 mile strolls.
I chose “loved” because I am loved. By my husband, kids, extended family, friends, but mostly God.

I chose “alive” because no matter what pain or obstacle might present itself to me, I am ALIVE. And that is so very good!

I chose “strong” because I have weathered a lot and come through it more whole and strong than I ever thought possible. When the going gets tough during tomorrow’s race (oh, around the ten mile mark!), I will remind myself that I am strong and I am a survivor.

Of course, I also doodled some other fun designs with the henna. Gotta have some decoration to look at, right? I think I’ll add “13.1” after the race is finished, to get me through the aches and pains that will set in tomorrow afternoon.

Wish me luck, and please pray for me!

Going, Going...

My blog friend Janera tipped me off to something cool. You need to go check it out, because it only lasts for two days (until midnight Wednesday). And if you search really hard, you might even find something from me.

How's that for cryptic and uninformative? Go check the links, y'all. GO!!!

Powerful Friends

Did I mention that our photo won the contest at Jodie's blog? The one I wrote about here, asking you all to go vote for us? Wow, do I have great friends or what?! At my last count, our photo had 92 votes. Most of the votes are from people I know, not random people who voted. You, my friends, are powerful. Thank you for that!

And, now, I have yet another request for you. A way to use your power to make a difference in someone's life... not just make me happy and help win contests. (Although, please know I'm not belittling that!) It's an easy request, really. Help if you can, don't if you can't.

I met Jamie through my mom's group. I haven't seen her in years, but she still keeps in touch with one of my friends. Turns out that Jamie is in a serious crisis. Last October, her youngest child (she has three) was diagnosed with leukemia. He is TWO. His body is being hammered with chemo, and he is susceptible to infection. Imagine trying to keep your kid away from germs when you have two others bringing them in the house. How do you even go grocery shopping with him? You can't let him touch the nasty carts. Imagine the stress of seeing your baby so sick and near death. Doesn't get much worse than that.

Oh, but it does. Jamie's a stay-at-home mom with no income of her own, caring for her youngest round-the-clock. AND she split from her husband amidst all this turmoil because she couldn't take his violent physical abuse anymore. He was arrested, and now he's withholding money from her and has cut off her utilities and health insurance. Simply put, she is struggling - to make ends meet, to raise a family on her own, to pay for a divorce lawyer, to even afford gas so she can get her two-year-old to his chemo treatments.

Ever since I heard about all this turmoil in their lives, I have been praying about how I can help them. Now this is where you come in. There's a group called Phoneraiser that will make donations to help this family when we collect ink printer cartridges and old cell phones. Do you have any old phones or cartridges you can send to me? If so, please PLEASE let me know and I'll make sure they go to help Jamie's family.

Maybe you can't help in that regard? Then how about forwarding this information to your friends, or posting about it on your own blog? Help me spread the word.

Thank you, friends. I know we can make a difference in this family's life.

UPDATE: Thanks to my great friends, who gave me their phones and ink cartridges. I donated 22 phones and 10 ink cartridges. Awesome!