Monkey Boy, or Why My House is Booby Trapped

I'm going nuts. Nuts, I tell ya. All because of a certain little boy named Jackson. Oh, Lord. I thought Katie would be the "spirited" (read: high-energy, exhausting, demanding death of me) child. Oh, no. Was I wrong! Her brother is breaking all the records.

Case in point:

Do you SEE what he's doing in that photo? The other day I caught him climbing the gate that we had to Velcro across the stairs. I moved the gate and now Katie, Dan and I are in danger of breaking our necks, but at least Monkey Boy can't climb it (YET). Instead, he's decided he'll climb the OUTSIDE of the stairs. Ay-yi-yi!!!

On Saturday, Dan caught Jackson on top of the kitchen table pouring a can of Coke down the front of himself. Jackson also loves to climb the sofa onto the counter behind, and he's having a blast pulling Christmas decorations down. And let's not forget how much he loves to crawl behind the sofa to pull plugs out of the wall.

(Do I even have to mention that KATIE WAS NEVER LIKE THIS? Spirited, yes. But wormy and wiggly and able to climb tall buildings? NO. We didn't NEED to lock the pantry door or latch the oven shut! Both of which are necessities now, as seen below.)

After Jackson climbed and stole Dan's water glass off an end table, Dan and I had enough of it. My idea was to rent a storage space and put all our first floor furniture in it for the next nine to twelve months, until Monkey Boy gets some depth perception and the fear of God in him. We decided that would be no fun. Where would we sit?

Instead, the first step in our Monkey Boy Action Plan was to rearrange the living room furniture. The sofa is pushed into the bay window so Monkey Boy can't crawl behind. Yes, the sofa is now blocking two air vents. And, yes, the curtains are smashed into the windows. But now Jackson can't electrocute himself (at least not at those outlets). We also swapped the positions of two chairs and emptied the end table (because now he has easy access to it and it wouldn't do to have TV guides and remotes in there anymore), and we removed the sound system speakers. HA! So far, so good: Monkey Boy can't climb onto the counters anymore.

Our second step was today: Dan went to Home Depot and bought heavy eye bolts and bungee cords. He bungeed the chairs to the table so Jackson can't climb onto it anymore. The bad news? Now Katie can't get into her seat without help because the bungees are pretty strong. Oh, well. We'll just do some bicep training with her until she can manage it on her own.

For now, we may have thwarted Monkey Boy's plans. However, I don't think we've clipped his wings or won the war. I'm sure he'll figure out some new way to turn our house into an amusement park. Stay posted. And if you happen to visit our house anytime soon? Now you don't have to wonder why you can't open anything and will be unable to escape. ARGH!!!