Fabulous Magnificence

I thought I was following God’s leading. I thought He laid an opportunity in my lap – literally brought it directly to me when I wasn’t even searching for anything such as this – and so I thought this new opportunity was truly His will for my life.

I fretted about it. I sweated it. I asked God a lot of Are-You-Sure questions. I sought wise counsel. I weighed the pros and cons of this risky step – risky because I was exposing myself and had no backup plan. I sat on it and tried to squelch it until I deeply felt God’s leading that the time was right and I needed to open my tightly-closed fists and take a step into the unknown.

So I did.

My heart pounded. I thought I might throw up, but I didn’t. I took the step and I survived it, and that step led to a period of waiting. The waiting wasn’t bad at all. Truly, even for an impatient control freak like myself! I felt more peace over the whole thing once I took that “tiny” step, and felt the Holy Spirit giving me a high five for the trust and obedience I demonstrated.

The waiting didn’t bother me because I felt like I was exactly where God wanted me: I was surrendered. With open hands. And a peaceful calm. And a trusting heart. And excited about my future because I felt like I had clarity.

Until today, when an answer of “not now” came. All that peace, trust, calm? It’s muddied with confusion now. And self-doubt, because I’m second guessing and wondering where I misheard His leading. I thought it was so spot-on and circumstances had converged to make His path overly apparent to me.

And now there’s a “Dead End” sign. With a “Do Not Enter” sign AND a “U-turn” sign as the cherry on top of the bowl of confusion. What do you mean, God? You want me to turn back? How? Where do I go now? You want me to just stay here?! All of that for all of this?

I am bruised because I patted myself on the back for following His will, because I thought His will had an end result in mind. Today, I’m guessing that His will isn’t so much about an end result as it is about the experience along the way: the surrendering and the opening hands and the calming peace I found when I submitted to His leading.

And yet, all those words are balm I use to soothe the ache I feel over a lost dream that I tried on for size – and felt so lovely when I looked at myself wearing it. I’m sad. It’s painful when hope dies, no matter what sort of hope you cling to (relationships, children, retirement, careers, even the town you live in.) And I question and wonder, all along knowing He’s okay with me questioning and wondering. No matter what, I still trust because His track record with me is one of unflagging faithfulness. He always has my best in mind.

The truth is this: my plans for the future seem pretty fabulous when I map them out. [And, for the record, I don’t feel like this was solely MY plan. From the get go, I felt it was HIS plan too!] And then I look at His grand design and realize settling for fabulous is pretty darn stupid when He has marvelous magnificence in mind. Fabulous is pretty good, but He takes that fabulous and enhances it – intensifies it - magnifies it – into untoppable magnificence.

I want what He wants for me. And I trust that His “no” on this topic translates to “I have something better in mind.”

Finish What He Started by MercyMe
I don't have to know you
To know that you will go through
Hard times - it's just part of life.
Don't let that moment blind you
And don't let it define you.
Take heart, that's not who you are.
Our God is able,
More than capable
To be faithful
To the end.
He'll finish what He started.
No matter what you've done,
Grace comes like a flood.
There's hope to carry on.
He'll finish what he started.
No matter what you face,
His mercy will not change.
He's with you all the way.
He'll finish what he started.
Remember you're forgiven
So there's no need to give in
To the lie
That you're disqualified.
Our God is able,
More than capable
To be faithful
To the end.
He'll finish what He started.
No matter what you've done,
Grace comes like a flood.
There's hope to carry on.
He'll finish what he started.
No matter what you face,
His mercy will not change.
He's with you all the way.
He'll finish what he started.
This work He's started in you now,
He's faithful to complete it.
A promise sealed when He cried out,
"It is finished."
He'll finish what He started.
No matter what you've done,
Grace comes like a flood.
There's hope to carry on.
He'll finish what he started.
No matter what you face,
His mercy will not change.
He's with you all the way.
He'll finish what he started.