Let Me Worry About That

All of a sudden, life has gotten a little “overfull” for me. I feel like the moment the calendar page turned to November, more obstacles appeared on my radar and on my To Do List. Blame it on the overzealous stores who are eagerly displaying Christmas decorations, plus Thanksgiving looming just a few weeks away, but my list of tasks has tripled.

The week has been especially hard for my brain to process. In the last six days, my husband has demolished our master bathroom shower, gutted the walls behind it, then built everything back up again (tile, grout, sealant, caulk, doors, faucet). The result is very nice, but I’m still a few days away from showering in the new beauty. Meanwhile, my toiletries are scattered between two bathrooms and a gym bag, and that alone makes me feel torn in opposite directions. On top of that, I made the decision to have surgery on the Morton’s neuroma in my foot on November 29. (Yep, right at the height of the holiday season!) And in case that isn’t enough to focus on, Jackson is having minor surgery to insert ear tubes the day before Thanksgiving (which is also the day my family arrives for the holiday). He has failed five hearing tests since May. We hope the surgery will help drain fluid from his ears and recalibrate the pressure inside so his hearing can be restored.

Yes, this post does have a point, and the point isn’t to bore you with my To Do List and my To Worry List. All of a sudden, I am struggling to focus on TODAY because tomorrow is nagging at my concentration.

Lately, Jackson has been driving me a little bonkers with one incessant question: “What are we doing _____?” Fill in the blank with: today, after breakfast, after lunch, after nap, after dinner, after the gym… He can’t stand to not know what the next few hours holds. I’ve been trying to train him to focus on NOW and every time he asks this question, my answer is, “We’ll talk about it later. Right now your job is to focus on ______.” (Fill in that blank with the task at hand, such as coloring or eating lunch or getting dressed for the day.)

Just before his nap today, we were finishing a puzzle and he wanted to know what we are doing after nap. I answered the usual “focus on the puzzle” and added, “Why don’t you let ME worry about that?”

(You know where this is going, don’t you?)

I literally heard God’s voice whisper in my head, “Just like you do with me.” And then I saw myself doing to God exactly what Jackson does to me: “God, what are we doing tomorrow? Have you seen my To Do List for nap time today? I gotta power through so much stuff! And what food am I going to cook for Thanksgiving? Should I buy a Santa bag for gifts on Christmas morning? Don’t let me forget to measure the chairs for the dessert gala. And, and…”

Yes, God, you are right. I get so far ahead of you and don’t wait for you to show me the way. I can hardly see the blessing of today because I am so focused on the tasks of tomorrow. Forgive me! Help me to trust that you already have it all figured out. Remind me of this: when needs arise, you will give me the strength to fulfill them. Thank you for always being enough for me! Amen.