Broken, Blessed and Wet

So far, St. Louis in the summer of 2015 can be marked by one word for me: RAIN. It has rained so much, and I think I’ve mostly rolled with it. But tonight, I hit a wet wall on the way home and realized I am desperately missing sunshine. It made me start thinking of all the times I’ve prayed for relief from heat and sun, and the times I’ve wanted the opposite of what I have.

Sometimes, I treat my blessings like curses and vice versa.

In an effort to see things with a different perspective, I thought through what the rain might mean to different people.

The rain is a curse to farmers whose crops have rotted in the ground before the seeds were able to germinate and send a frail green shoot upward to gather what little sunshine cracks through the clouds.

The rain is an annoyance to outdoor businesses like Six Flags, who get very few customers on wet days. Only the crazies show up!

The rain is frustrating to kids’ sports programs when game after game gets rained out and the deadline for finishing the season is a week away, with more rain in the forecast. And it’s frustrating to the kids who desperately want to play and keep getting rescheduled!

May we all see our curses as blessings and have wisdom knowing what breaks us can serve to bless someone else.

The rain is a blessing to construction workers and lifeguards whose skin is usually scorched by the summer sun.

The rain is a boon to landscapers who are usually in a client lull by mid-July because the heat has scorched the lawns they are paid to mow.

May we all have wisdom to see our blessings can be a curse for someone else, knowing what blesses us can break another’s soul.

Provision and PayPal

Health insurance. Gah! I know I’m not the only one who is frustrated and annoyed with her insurance and what feels like a lack of benefits.

On Tuesday, Dan stopped off at home in the midst of a rain hail storm as he was on his way to a physical therapy appointment. I asked him about how he planned to pay for the appointment, since our Health Savings Account had been tapped dry the week before. We talked about the lack of funds compared to the abundance of bills, and then I bemoaned a bill that had not even been incurred yet: my annual eye exam and contact lenses.

I’ve already made my lenses stretch for as long as possible (Yes, I’m guilty of – gasp! – wearing my daily lenses for more than a day. The horror!), but I’m down to a short supply and it’s time to bite the bullet and order more. While talking with Dan, I said, “The HSA is empty and contacts will cost $300. Where are we going to find that?”

In the back of my head, I already had an answer.

I met with a friend last week and we discussed a regular photography gig. She offered to hire me to photograph property as a part of her job. It intrigued me, and I told her I would pray about it. I tucked the idea into my heart, asked God to mull it over for me and let me know what He thinks I should do. While I don’t think that gig would be my ultimate employment answer, I do think it would provide income while I’m pursuing other callings from God (creative photography, writing, preparing a book). It looked like a good idea to me, but I wanted to sit on it and wait for God to confirm it.

Then bills started huffing at the corner of my shoulder and my unemployment guilt started elbowing me in the ribs a couple extra times. Add in a $300 need for contacts, and I felt like it was time to get back on the horse and pursue that photography gig. Dan left for his appointment before I voiced any of this, but I figured I could approach it with him later that night.

I went about my morning and tackled my To Do list. One of the tasks involved ordering a copy of a sports identification card so Katie can play on her softball team. Payment was required through PayPal, so I logged into my account to make sure I had the $5 to cover the order. The last time I checked, the account balance was less than $20. I figured I had at least $5 left. I was wrong.

The account balance was $300. Let me repeat that: THE ACCOUNT BALANCE WAS THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS.

Immediately, my mind raced back through past transactions and I couldn’t think of any reason there would be $300 in my account. I opened the screen that lists every transaction for the last 14 months, and got out my calculator and did the math. THREE TIMES. I should only have $16 in that account! So I called PayPal and spoke to a woman named Sandra. I started by saying I don’t understand my account balance. I’m pretty sure she must have flinched, because her response to my next words (“There’s money there that wasn’t there before!”) was: “Oh! Usually people call in here mad, but you’re not mad!” I chuckled and told her I wasn’t mad, but I needed her to help me understand how this money appeared. She went through the transactions too, and said the $300 is legit and I must have forgotten some money from long ago. Regardless of where it came from, the $300 is actually mine and I can spend it. I sputtered, “But there’s no way to explain how it got there!” She again confirmed that it IS there and it’s not a mistake.

Then I told her I was just talking to my husband about medical bills and needing $300, and she said, “Girl, the Lord works in mysterious ways!” To which I replied, “Amen, sister! He really does! I can’t believe He even works through PayPal!” I’m pretty sure our call was the highlight of her day, because it was definitely mine!

And now, there is a $295 balance in my PayPal account. (I used $5 to pay for the ID card, remember?) But even more than the $295, I received something of much greater value: I had a specific need and God gave me a specific answer. “I will provide for you, Elizabeth. Do not go running off, searching out your own solutions to problems. Sit. Wait. Give me time to work and I will bless you in ways that don’t make sense and can’t be proven with math or scientific reasoning or logic. I AM and I am providing for you. Trust me, dear one!”

In my life, I’ve heard people tell stories about being in financial need and God bailing them out in ways that seem “random” (unclaimed money or a neighbor dropping off a “random” gift card or a long-forgotten I.O.U. that gets paid or an anonymous donor paying for Lyme Disease treatment). I love hearing stories like that because it is always obvious to me that God isn’t random and His provision isn’t a coincidence. It’s an easy thing for me to say when a person is telling me a story about their “coincidence.” But when the “coincidence” happens to ME and God gives me a first-person reminder that He is taking care of me in ways I didn’t even bother to ask Him to, my mind is blown and I am left shaking my head in wonder at His might and majesty.

Later that day, I told a friend about finding God’s provision through PayPal and explained to her how I had been on the verge of taking on a new gig as my solution to a problem. She wisely pointed out that God is telling me to sit still and keep waiting through this unemployment, and He will lead me to the place He has prepared for me. It doesn’t mean this gig is a NO, but it does mean I don’t have to keep running around making my own answers to problems without waiting for God to confirm it first.

I can’t explain how thankful I am that God is a persistent God who speaks in ways meant only for me. He is generous, patient, and faithful to keep His promises to provide! (Psalm 54:4, Jer. 29:11)  And while I know $300 is merely a drop in the bucket (some people are in much greater need) and we aren’t in dire straits and we will get by, it’s reassuring and encouraging to know that God cares about even the smallest worries that stick like Velcro to my soul. Thank You, Abba!

Adoption

Last week, God gave me a beautiful reminder of how He has adopted me into His family.

Through two high school friends, I know a family of missionaries who are moving from North Carolina to South Dakota. A few months ago, the parents (Michael and Nicole) drove their five daughters from North Carolina to South Dakota, to visit the church they are going to pastor. They needed a place to stay for one night on the way there and one night on the return trip home, and my high school friends asked me if I could provide a room for the night. Dan and I happily opened our home for the weary travelers.

The first night (on their trip to SD), I never even met them because they arrived and went straight to bed before I got home from a meeting. They were gone the next morning before the kids and I were awake for school. The second night (on their return leg), I got to meet the parents and daughters. They told me about their trip, their plans to move to a Native American reservation and lead a church, and their family dynamics. Their youngest daughter, Katey, is two years old. She is their foster daughter, and they were waiting to make her adoption official. It was going to become official somewhere near the beginning of September, and they were hoping to be moved to South Dakota just in time for that.

When the family left my house the next morning, I didn’t think I would see them again. I promised to keep in touch by text and maybe send them a care package once they arrived in South Dakota.

About two weeks ago, Nicole contacted me and said the family was making the big move the week after Labor Day. They were excited to be on their way, but the adoption process ended up with a little hiccup: the court was ready to finalize the adoption and scheduled the appointment for the day they would be driving through the Midwest. AAACK! Nicole was wondering if they could stop at my house and Skype with the judge at 1:00pm before they continued on their drive to South Dakota. I agreed and was here when they were ready to stop.

It turns out the courthouse firewall wouldn’t let Skype operate properly, so the family was lined up in front of my computer and ended up on a speaker phone with the court clerk instead.

Michael and Nicole were sworn in, and then they were asked a series of questions: Have you created a bond with Katey? Yes. Are you petitioning the court to change her name? Yes. Do you agree to take responsibility for her even back to the day of her birth? Yes. Are you aware of her developmental delays? Yes. Do you understand what it means to care for a child with delays? Yes. And then, the question that rocked my heart:

Knowing all you know about her background, do you still want her just the way she is?

Of course, Michael and Nicole answered, “Yes.”

As soon as I heard those words, they reverberated in my heart as God reminded me He feels the same way about me. It’s as if someone asked God, “Knowing all you know about Elizabeth’s background – her delays, her sins, her waywardness, her disobedience, her brokenness, her faults and failures – do You still want her just the way she is?”

And God answered with a resounding, “YES!”

It is astounding to be reminded in such a literal way that God adopted me into His family. He bonded and grafted me on to the Vine, changed my name, accepted responsibility for me even before my birth, and agreed to take on the heavy burden of teaching me how to function in spite of my delays. He loves me that much! (And He loves YOU that much too, you know…)

I am honored that He looks at me now and says, “That one is MINE.”

“God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.” (Ephesians 1:5 NLT)

He is Mine

In January of 2012, I wrote this post about lies that swirl around me and threaten to overwhelm me. I shared the art I created to help me replace those lies with God’s truths about me. Here’s the “funny” thing: that blog post was written more than two years ago. You’d think I would have grown and matured in that time, right? Oh, sure, I changed in the last two years, but the lies simply shape-shifted into new nooses. The lies continue to repress me and flatten me. They take the wind out of my sails. They hinder my soaring. They shackle my courage.

I have never questioned or second-guessed myself more than I have these past two years, and it is a scary thing to feel like the one “thing” that is dependable (my own self!) is not. I know my own heart, right? Because of this, I assume my own heart is the one place where I am always safe and always innocent. Oh, but how I’ve found that to be the opposite sometimes! My heart is fickle and selfish. It will always choose self-preservation over future pain (picking a fight with my husband instead of asking for help because I don’t know everything [Yeah, shocker!]). It would rather strike out at others than admit vulnerability (yelling at my kids instead of admitting I’m overwhelmed). Some days, my heart is faulty and undependable and untrustworthy.

Of course, my heart is all those things when it is powered on its own strength. When I try to rely solely on my own judgment and righteousness, my heart – and my self – fail. Through all of this, I’ve discovered one magnificent truth of life: I am not enough. When I depend on me, I always run out of fuel. When I turn to myself, my self lets me down. When I try to tackle obstacles on my own, I end up flattened on my back with the air knocked out of my lungs. I desperately gasp for breath.

Two years ago, lies rattled around in my head and I believed I wasn’t enough. Today, that “lie” has become truth for me, and I realize I really AM not enough! But instead of letting that truth consume and choke me, it has caused me to turn to the One who is enough. There is one Person who is everything I want to be: Selfless. Righteous. Whole. Unbroken. Humble. Courageous. Truthful. Dependable. Trustworthy. Beautiful. Giving. Worthy.

His name is Jesus.

And He is bigger than all those lies, bigger than my failures, and bigger than my mistakes. And what’s more? He died to make me all those things that He is and I am not. Do you get that? Can you understand that?

As a companion piece to the art I posted in 2012, I made another piece of art in 2013. I’ve never posted it here, but I think now is a good time to do so. My 2012 art described me, but this art describes Him. The first art is called “I Am His” and this one is called “He is Mine.” We exist together; a statement that not only could be an entirely separate blog post, but a life calling.

This art goes so well with something else God brought into my life this past April. A friend of mine shared the new MercyMe CD with me. It’s called Welcome to the New and it has become a guardrail in my life. The entire CD is God’s truth set to music, and it is SO. VERY. GOOD. Along with the CD, my friend sent me a clip from the album release concert MercyMe had on JoyFM on April 10. I transcribed the entire 14 minute clip, and have listened to it repeatedly as well. Lead singer Bart Millard talks about the way grace has transformed his life, and how Jesus’ sacrifice for us makes us flawless. (If you want to listen to something very similar, click on this link to listen to the K-Love concert and forward to the 16 minute mark.) This is one of my favorite parts of the JoyFM clip:

In the past, I would get up and say stuff that I hoped would connect but I’m so confident in this message that I know for a fact it’s gonna connect with a lot of you when I say things like, “I struggle every day with the enemy telling me every day that I’m disqualified and that I’m not enough and that if ‘they’ knew what you’ve done in your past they would not listen to a word that you’re saying.” So much so that there would be mornings I wouldn’t even get out of bed because I felt like I was already defeated. And sometimes the enemy sounded a little bit like the Holy Spirit. I would take things like, “You should just be glad that God knows you. That should be enough.” I thought that was a good thing! But that’s not the gospel. Your identity is not what you do or what you’ve done. Your identity is not the guilt and shame that you choose to carry with you throughout your life. Because if you know Christ, the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead now dwells inside of you 24 hours a day. He ain’t leavin’! And because of that alone, everything changes. You are not someone who cannot be trusted. You are not one that has a wretched heart. We’ll write worship songs and get up under the banner of nobility and say, “God, we just stink as individuals. We are unworthy. We are unrighteous. We are horrible. If I choose, I will choose something other than You every time so I just need You, God. I’m nothing without You.” That last part is true. But as far as the rest of it goes, is it possible that Christ is standing there saying, “You know what? You used to be unworthy. You used to be unrighteous. You used to actually stink pretty good. But because of that whole big deal I made on the cross, you’re a brand new creation.” You are not a bad person trying to be good. You are holy as He is holy. You are righteous. You are redeemed. You are a child of the Living God. If you’re just bad, trying to be good, you’re gonna have your little mountaintop moments but you’re gonna go back to believing you’re this sorry person and if you believe it long enough, you’re gonna live like that when Christ is saying, “No, there is nothing sorry about you.” You have the heart and mind of Christ. How can you be worthless when you are an heir to the throne? When you are a child of the Living King? (emphasis added)

It’s one thing to know God and know His attributes. And it’s another thing to know how completely contrary my heart is to God’s goodness. But when I take His holiness and allow it to cover my wretchedness? When I stop turning away from Him in shame and run full-fledged to Him in gratitude and freedom? Oh! It’s liberating and life-changing and tremendously earth-shaking.

So, back to the start of this post. All those lies that still rattle around and shake my foundations? They’re still here. The last two years of struggles and questions? They haven’t ended yet. Life is still LIFE, y’all. It’s hard and bumpy and painful and fluid and changing and harsh. But God is bigger and He gets the last word. He keeps deflecting those lies by dropping things into my life like the MercyMe CD, my new Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study book (Limitless Life by Derwin Gray), and my friend Stephanie’s book (Cultivating Peace). Each one of those things helps God uproot a few more of the weeds that choke my fickle heart. He uses these things to keep me on His path and following His light.

I’m grateful for His passionate pursuit, and undone by the fact that He never gives up on me!

Epic Surprises

I turned 40 last week, which I wrote about here. I am happy to report that, so far, 40 is fantastic!

My birthday was one for the record books. I have talked about it in person to a few people, but haven’t really broadcast the extent of epic awesomeness that was my birthday weekend because I felt it would be in poor form. Because the truth is: it was so amazing that to talk about it might sound like I’m bragging.

However, this is MY blog and I want to write about MY birthday. Consider this fair warning: if you have unresolved issues with envy, you should close your web browser and skip this blog post. Come back next week/month/year when I write about struggling as a mother or how much I hate snow days or how I don’t understand why life has to be full of hurt and pain.

This post is NOT about hurt and pain!

My 40th birthday really began at 7:30am. I was getting the kids ready for school when Dan showed up at our house. He had been at his men’s group and was supposed to be heading to work, but he came home instead. I was puzzled until he gave me a gift bag with my birthday gift inside. As he handed me the gift, his chin trembled and he started to tear up. I was alarmed and didn’t understand why he was crying. I said, “What’s wrong?!” He told me he was so excited to give me this present and hoped it means as much to me as it did to him as he put it together. I didn’t understand until I pulled this out.

It is a three-ring binder full of letters he gathered from friends and family. Inside this binder are photos of beauty. Pieces of original artwork. Quotes from long gone ancestors. Poems and pieces of people who love me. Adjectives that have no business being attached to my name, but somehow, a few people think I matter in some small way.

I was completely undone by this binder. I cried at the breakfast table, and lost all focus on getting my kids to school. Dan saw them off while I read and cried some more. He sat beside me and cried with me. (That may be the most profound sentence I’ve ever written about my marriage. Ahem.) I cried off my makeup and laughed a lot too. It was – by far – the most thoughtful gift I’ve ever received. All those letters are priceless to me, but the most valuable of all is the very first one in the binder – the one written by my husband. Out of all the letters Dan has written me in our lifetimes, this one letter is the most beautiful because He talks about God’s love and provision. For a man who, just a few years ago, would hardly consider Jesus’ gift of grace – this letter is tangible proof of how much God has changed my best friend’s life.

Eventually, I had to leave and go to work. I carried that binder with me the rest of the day and gawked at it. I showed it to my coworkers and thanked them for writing a letter to me. The rest of the day was full of work, birthday wishes, and a general sense of joy.

That evening, Jackson had a Scout event and Katie had rehearsal at church. Dan and I split off after a quick family dinner, and I didn’t return home with Katie until 9:00. I pulled into our driveway and saw his mom’s car. My brain went into alert mode, and I started wondering if there was a surprise party inside. I quickly dismissed that thought, since it was 9:00 on a Thursday. I hoped maybe my sister had arrived from out of town to surprise me.

I walked into our house and found the kitchen lights off and a cake lit with candles. Dan, Jackson, Katie, and Dan’s mom were all smiling at me. I looked at them suspiciously, waiting for something to happen. Dan told me to blow out my candles so we could have cake. I did and said, “Why is your mother here?” I smiled at his mom, of course, but she knew I was puzzled and confused and didn’t mean anything rude by this. Dan explained his mom was there to take care of the kids because he and I would be leaving early in the morning. He told me to pack my bags and he would put the kids to bed. I asked where we were going, and he said I would find out in the morning. All he would tell me is our destination was somewhere “warmer than here.”

Immediately, my brain went into overdrive. In between random questions (Are we flying? Do I need a passport? Is it international? Do I need flip flops? Wait! I work weekends! Did you talk to my boss?), I fretted all the small details about Jackson’s dietary restrictions while we would be gone (and packed food for him too), I fretted my own dietary restrictions, and my brain ticked through all the appointments and duties I needed to cancel before we left. Then Dan told me he had already cancelled my appointments. He submitted my vacation request with my boss. And he had already packed the clothes and food the kids would need at Grandma’s. He thought of things I hadn’t thought of yet, even going as far as packing the kids’ lunches for the following Monday. [By this point, he had told me we wouldn’t be returning home until Monday.]

Now, here’s the point where I pause and explain something about myself. It is no surprise to the few of you who read this blog that I am a control freak. I often live under the prideful and false assumption that the world spins because of God and what I do to help Him. (I jest – sort of.) And while I have actually fantasized about my husband taking over the reins and planning a surprise trip for us, I never considered the ramifications of those fantasies becoming reality. Because the truth is taking control away from a control freak is like taking cocaine away from a drug addict. (At least I imagine it is; I’ve never been addicted to drugs.) Worry and fear reared their heads and the unknown shouted louder than the giddy spontaneity. In my anxiety over the loss of control, I panicked when I couldn’t find my swimsuit. I walked up and down the stairs in the house four times, trying to find it. Finally, in desperation, I sat down on a stool in our closet and prayed: “God, I know I shouldn’t be stressing about such a fantastic gift as this. I know in just 12 hours, I’ll be having the time of my life. But right now, I can’t find my swimsuit. And if I can’t find my swimsuit, I will have a very bad time. I know You know where my swimsuit is, so I’m going to let this go for now. I’m going to let You show me where it is when I need to know. Thanks, God.” I breathed and then I let it go. I stood up in my closet and focused on what shirts to pack. About 72 seconds later, I looked straight up at a shelf and saw my swimsuit right. there. “Thank You, God. You always help me!”

After another hour of packing and fretting, Dan and I finally went to bed. We were out the door at 4:00am, with only about four hours of sleep. Ugh. I still had no idea where we were going, but fully trusted my husband to lead me to something awesome. These are the roads at 4am – empty!

We got to the airport and the only people there were those dressed in flip flops, capris, and tank tops. (It’s January in St. Louis, people!) As we got closer to the airline check-in desk, I finally saw the sign that told me where we were going: CANCUN! I smiled, hugged Dan, and told him how excited I was.

When we boarded the plane, the woman beside me asked what resort we were staying at. When I answered, “I don’t know,” her face was shocked. (Later, one of my friends pointed out what a big leap it was for me [control freak] to say to someone “I don’t know” and not have an anxiety attack!) I slept a while on the plane, and woke when all the landing preps started.

We got off the plane, through customs, and onto the shuttle for our resort. We finally pulled up in front of this beautiful, open-air resort lobby and walked inside to check in. I could see the ocean from the lobby, and literally felt my heart exhale. It was like relief was flooding my soul. One of the hotel staff walked up and presented us with a fruity cocktail, and Dan turned and told me to go sit down. I obliged.

We couldn’t check into our room yet, so we left our bag with the bellman after I changed into capris (I was still wearing jeans and a  long-sleeved shirt). We went to find something to eat, since we hadn’t had breakfast yet. Over breakfast/lunch, I smiled like a goon at my husband because he went to allthiswork for me. He took some time to explain how he arranged all the plans and when he started this whole charade, and also told me the details about gathering the letters for my binder.

I was so happy with the thought of spending a long weekend with my love, with nothing to do besides eat, sleep, and sit at the beach. So after we ate, Dan parked me at the beach (with our carry-on luggage), and went back up to find the bellman and get some shorts to change in to. I sat on the beach and let the wind blow over me.

I turned on some music from my iPod, then pulled out my mirror and tweezers. (Yes, I packed them! Remember, I’m a planner and I didn’t have time to tweeze before I left home?!) I enjoyed my fruity drink, and simply relaxed.

I sat there for a while, singing and praying and tweezing (ha!), and then noticed some movement behind me in my mirror. I turned and OH MY GOSH! OH MY GOSH! MY SISTER IS HERE! MY SISTER IS HERE! I was so completely shocked that an expletive fell out of my mouth, and I ran to her and hugged her with my full body. (I shrieked so much that I saw another person down the beach staring at me the whole time.) And then I hugged her husband, Wally, who was standing beside her. And I think I hugged him like 4 times, because I haven’t seen him since last summer – before he was deployed on a dangerous mission. I hugged my sister some more and hugged Wally some more, then hugged my spectacular husband.

A few days later, a friend of mine asked how the trip was. As I told her about the arrival of my sister on the beach, I explained it by saying it was the best reunion and it’s how I imagine heaven will be: I arrive in paradise with the Love of my life (I know Dan isn’t Jesus, y’all – it’s a broken analogy – but just go with it here), and He feeds me and sustains me and shows me around. And then I get to be reunited with those I love most, and I fly into their arms and finally feel at home again. I do all this with the Person beside me who planned this great trip FOR me, knowing that He hand-selected the details for me. What more joy could you imagine than standing beside the Giver and enjoying all the gifts He created for you?

From that point on, our surprise vacation flew by. We went to lunch together, talked over all the details from the last months of planning (and how they kept me from finding out), and I’m pretty sure I had this stupid grin on my face for the next five hours (at least).

We lounged at the beach and the pool, had some tropical drinks, checked into our rooms, and had dinner at the resort’s Japanese steak house.

After dinner, we had drinks on the lobby balcony, and Dan headed back to the room early (he had not slept on the plane like I did). I got to talk and laugh with Mary and Wally, and then we all headed to bed too.

Saturday morning, I woke to a beautiful view from our room.

Dan and I went to breakfast, and I’m telling you: simply sitting at breakfast with this man, eating good food (that I didn’t cook myself!), and drinking a lovely mimosa brought such bliss to my heart. Mary and Wally found us near the end of breakfast, and we stayed to eat with them and visit before heading to the beach.

Toes in the sand.

Sitting in the shade with the wind blowing off the ocean.

Enjoying the cocktail of the day (called Ocean Water).

After a few hours of being spoiled, Dan, Mary and I hauled ourselves up to the spa for a soak and a massage. This was the spa’s indoor pool.

Dan and I had a couple’s massage, and I fell asleep twice during it. It was that kind of relaxation that was so deep, I only woke myself up because I actually snored twice! Afterwards, we lounged by the pool on those breezy bed-sized couches that are popular at resorts these days.

We had a nice evening drink.

We walked around a little to explore the property.

And then it was time to shower and get ready for dinner. Dan headed down to dinner first, to get a spot for us (the reservation system at this resort wasn’t so great). When I came down to join him, the sunset was over but there was still enough light to see these awesome clouds over the pool and ocean.

We had dinner at what we called the “romantic” restaurant, and it was such great food. We laughed a lot and enjoyed ourselves. After dinner, the boys bought cigars from a vendor and we sat by the pool so they could enjoy their cigars. A band came to play, and we sang along. Oh, happy!

The next morning (Sunday), it was the same thing: sleep in, breakfast, chill on the beach. Dan and I decided to walk down to the nearest town, Puerto Morelos. Someone had told us it was a 30 minute walk, and someone else said it was about 45 minutes. WRONG. It took an hour to get there. I had only a swimsuit and cover up, because I didn’t think it would require shorts and walking shoes!

When we arrived at the town, I was a little bummed to find out it was very small and not very intriguing. There were a few sidewalk stores, but most of the store owners were pretty pushy (which I expected) and I was already dreading the hour walk back to the resort.

Dan and I found a sidewalk restaurant and had a Coke (it’s made with real sugar and not high fructose corn syrup in Mexico!), then decided to hire a taxi to drive us back to the hotel. We lucked out on finding another couple going to our same resort, so we shared the taxi and cut our costs.

We got back to the resort and immediately went to the beach to find Mary and Wally. We grabbed some lunch and ended up at the pool, where I promptly took an hour-long nap with this as my view.

I woke up to the palm leaves rustling over my head. Aaaahhh…

It was Super Bowl Sunday, so we all showered and met back up to enjoy a huge outdoor tailgating party.

We watched the game on a big screen, and gorged on some really great food.

After the game, we had drinks in the lobby and got to enjoy karaoke. Wally started the party off with “Sweet Caroline,” and I laughed continually for about 3 hours straight. (And I would LOVE to post a video of Wally singing, but will protect his privacy and opt out.)

The next morning was our departure day. I was sad, but this morning sunrise helped ease my sadness.

We had breakfast with Mary and Wally, then said our goodbyes before catching a shuttle to the airport.

I watched Mexico pass beneath the airplane, dreading the cold weather awaiting us back home.

And even though freezing cold WAS waiting for us, those three days in Mexico kept me from being bothered by it.

Mexico thawed my heart. It reminded this little control freak that the world DOES spin without me. My kids got fed, educated, and loved well when I stepped out and someone else stepped in. I survived just fine without the “perfect” sundress I forgot to pack and actually learned to surrender when the packing went astray. Mexico reminded me to let go of all the details in life that I allow to excessively weigh me down. Mexico helped me reunite with the sister I love dearly, the brother-in-law who makes me laugh more than anyone I know, and the husband who loves me in ways I don’t understand. And Mexico reminded me there is a Giver who loves to lavish me with grace and beauty, if I will slow down long enough to open my eyes. The Giver gave me the best gift of all: Rescue.

At one point over the weekend, I turned to Dan and said, “I love that you surprised me and all, but I miss the planning part of taking vacations. It would have been nice in November and December [two VERY hard months for me personally] to know I had this trip coming. On the hard days, I would have consoled myself by saying, ‘Rescue is coming’ because I would have known this trip was on the way.” Dan replied, “But that’s the thing: you just have to trust that Rescue is always coming. Even when we don’t know it, we have to trust that God has surprises in store and Rescue is on the way. Just because you don’t know exactly what it is doesn’t make the Rescue any less real.”

To hear those words come out of my husband’s heart? God, you are too good to me. You are so so so good!

November 2013 Review

Katie likes to help with jobs around the house and sometimes, while she does this, Jackson likes to interfere with jobs around the house. While Katie and I did laundry, Jackson tried his best to distract us.

And once Jackson got in the clothes dryer Katie had to follow suit, of course.

Our church is about to start another chapter when we open a new auditorium (at our Chesterfield location) in December. There’s a tradition around our church every time we start something new like this. People are invited to sign the new space with handwritten prayers. Our family joined in and I was astounded by the depth of authenticity my kids’ prayers held.

A friend from church asked if we would babysit her dog for a weekend while she was out of town. I agreed without hesitation. Who could resist this face?

We had a “decades-themed” trivia night to attend, so I dug out my old Prom dresses and tried them on to see if any still fit. Thanks to the 25+ pounds I’ve lost by eating wheat-, dairy- and corn-free, I actually got the dresses on and zipped up. (But I was reminded how things change and sag over the years, regardless of a person’s weight!) The dresses will not be seeing the light of day anytime soon, but it was fun to pull them out again (and to wonder what exactly my teenage self was thinking with all these sequins and bows!).

The chill has started creeping in and I love taking time to stop and notice the changes. The white edge on this leaf is all frost. So pretty!

I have a new favorite restaurant in our area. I found out a local pancake house has gluten free pancakes on the menu. HEAVEN!

My friend Gina invited us to a trivia night and the theme was “decades.” We chose to pull out our ‘80s gear. Gina is too young to have much of it, but I got those “vintage” dresses out and selected one that was my mother’s. It is truly hideous. I wore my hair in an old banana clip I saved from my middle school days, and my black sequined shoes (which you can’t see very well) are from my senior Prom in 1992. I can’t believe this is what normal used to look like!

Jackson is really enjoying being  a part of his Cub Scouts troop. I went with him and the boys on a November Saturday to deliver grocery bags for food pantry donations. The entire 3 hours (yes… ugh!) was spent watching these boys run around (lots) and corralling them. But seeing Jackson walk with his friend and hold hands made it all worthwhile for me. Little boys who will love openly and unabashedly make me so happy!

Fall means our annual family photos. Just like the last few years, we loaded up our camera, tripod and remote control and tried to get some decent shots. This won’t be my favorite photos ever, because I don’t like my hair up in a bun. But it was last minute because the weather was nice and we had no other plans, so I tried to forget my hair and jump into the moment.

After photos in the park, we caught the sunset at the park’s lake. The kids spent the last moments of daylight throwing rocks into the lake. I always marvel at how happy throwing rocks in a lake makes little kids.

Like most kids their age, my kids are in the throes of the Rainbow Loom craze. Yippee! I’m just glad you can enjoy the craze for not much money. Our kit only cost $10. Phew!

I finally had skin tests done in the allergists’ office, to supplement the testing I did last March with my Applied Kinesiologist. The results show light reactions (meaning 1 on a scale of 1-4) to wheat, almonds, pecans, cashews, cherries, beef, pork, turkey, and flounder. Since they are only slight reactions, I’m not going to completely change my diet again. I already avoid a few of those things, but I do not plan to give up beef, pork or turkey. Doing that would likely send me into an immediate nuclear meltdown – not a good idea!

Some of our neighbor kids came over to craft one evening. They made Rainbow Loom bracelets and listened to music and talked up a storm. I remember past craft times with them, and I’m amazed that now I can craft with them instead of overseeing every single move they make. And the older ones help the younger ones now too. Yes!!!

My kids are working on some sort of video gift for Christmas. I am not sure what it is, but I’ve loaned out my Flip video camera to them. I came across this “shot sheet” Katie wrote up, and I’m so excited to see what the final product becomes.

Katie and Jackson are eternal fort builders. There is always a fort somewhere in our house, or one that I just tore down. This fort was big enough for Dan to climb in and read bedtime stories to them.

Katie is in an advanced program at school, and it has been so fun to watch her grow and blossom. The program had a field trip in November. The local schools had kids from the program gather at the community college and break into teams and play games, solve puzzles, and build inventions. The parents had our own tables and challenges, which was lots of fun too. It gave the kids a chance to meet others from the middle school they’ll be attending next year, and I got to have a closer look at what the kids do together.

Dan and I had a date night, thanks to free tickets from our neighbors to see comedian Tim Hawkins. It was a nice chance to get out of the house and go laugh.

Katie inherited one of the posts from our church’s classroom. It’s a LARGE print out of a comic from The Action Bible. Since she loves comics so much, she was very excited to have this on her wall.

Thanksgiving was at my mother- and father-in-law’s house this year. The kids decorated the house for Grandma, and there were lots of cool signs hanging around.

The day after Thanksgiving, our family meet the in-laws for a movie (we saw Frozen) and then bought our Christmas tree on the way home. We got it at the local Boy Scout Christmas tree lot.

Our favorite summer nanny stopped by to surprise the kids as we were decorating the Christmas tree. Genevieve was home from college for the holiday, and it was SOOOO good to see her again.

Our tree was finished, the angel was place on top (by Jackson this year), and we even got a family picture in front of it before Genevieve left. I am really happy we have a real tree again this year. I love the smell!

While cleaning up one evening, I found a letter Jackson wrote Katie. I have no idea what he is apologizing for, but asked him to take a photo with the letter because it was just so cute.

I’m looking forward to December and seeing what it brings us!